Hi SpeedyHare,
What kinds of behaviors do you expect to see from your mom?
How much interaction have your kids had with her thus far?
How old are your kids?
How comfortable are you with setting boundaries with your mom (as you may have to act on behalf of your children)
How does you husband feel about your folks moving closer and how much will he be involved?
This might be a place to start when thinking about boundaries... .How much interaction to you feel comfortable with her having with the kids? At public events (Birthday Parties, Sporting Events, families of your kids friends), at home with family (you/dad are there when mom spends time with the kids) or kids with your mom and dad (kids alone with your parents).
You are right on the money in terms of needing boundaries with your mom, and it may not always be comfortable for you to set them with her. You have grown up with a parent that is an expert boundary buster and may have raised you to have weak boundaries particularly in relation to her.
I want to share some information about FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) or emotional blackmail, to me the number one method of someone with BPD to boundary bust. I think it helps to understand it, know it, and have an awareness of it. I think when you see it, it is easier to take things less personally thus making it easier to maintain your boundaries.
More on FOG... .
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82926.0More on boundaries... .
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61684.0https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=167368.0Welcome to the BPD Family

I look forward to hearing back from you
Panda39