Hello, dramanjett, and welcome!

You have found a supportive community here with members who can understand what you're going through. And it certainly sounds like you have a lot going on. The BPD dance is exhausting and baffling for everyone involved and can really be emotionally draining. I hope you're able to take some time for self-care (hobbies, friends, family) so that you can be strong for yourself and for your children.
You mentioned you've researched BPD. What are some specific tools you've found that have helped?
Are there any problem areas that are particularly troubling to you right now that we might be able to help with?
Please feel free, also, to read and post in other members' threads. We all help each other here and sometimes you may have advice that could help someone else!