Out of the blue BPD wife told me she watching porn videos.

[radoe]

Out of the blue my wife with BPD told me she watching porn videos.
She told me exactly what to watch because she would like it.

I did watch
I researched similar videos
I practiced what she wanted.

Out intimacy is better that the last 15 years.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Vexed]

I had the opposite problem with my ex.  She wanted it all the time, it was the only way she felt loved.  Ironically she couldn't orgasm which was really depressing.  It was also hard to keep up sexually when your being treated like crap.

[radoe]

I hear you vexed

My BPD wife did not wat sex for about 15 years

[Red5]

… It was also hard to keep up sexually when your being treated like crap.

Very true… the "endearment, & adoration" falls off considerably after time served.

This can possibly wane though, over time (respite)… it is possible to attain feeling again, but it takes time, and most times, pw/BPD is extremely impatient, intolerant… as feelings equal objective facts to them…

So you get caught up in the caretaker role once more… even "faking" endearment, & adoration to possibly avoid a dysregulation… eg' keep your pw/BPD "happy" at any cost… and all the while, "what about your own feelings"… well; your 'feelings' are stuffed down, and boxed up for another day, as usual.

… "if I only had it to do over again"…

Red5

[radoe]

Yup

Why are we doing this?

the type of love has changed to more of agape, less passionate, more fatherly, but if the intimacy continues it will change to become more passionate.

Some times it is the sanctity of the sacred marriage vow.

What a ride. 

[Red5]

...type of love has changed to more of agape, less passionate, more fatherly, but if the intimacy continues it will change to become more passionate.

- "agape" - "less passionate" - "fatherly" -

Somewhere in there, I seem to default… I inadvertently break it trying to fix it...

So with a borderline… fear of engulfment / abandonment… maybe coupled with (mixed in with)… preprogramed by early trauma...

I'll go ahead and say it, abuse in childhood (mother - father - sibling)… provides the bad software load.

So the caretaker (me)… has my own "love program"… adoration, affection, enclosure, passion… which absolutely causes a meltdown in the borderlines circuitry…

At which time, do I become to her?… mother - father - sibling (abusive construct/programming) to her…

So she pushes me away .. acts out… dysregulates… rages, silent treatment… wants to divorce… "you never loved me, I hate you!… then, "don't leave me you son of a ____… I hate YOU!"

Then a few days, week slater… "you never pay any attention to me, you've not touched me in months"… wash, rinse, repeat… washer spins, and moves across the floor!

Perplexing, Madness…

Red5

[radoe]

amen brother