I don’t know... right now I’m just trying to maintain my character in the middle of all the foolishness. That’s all that I can control. I’ve learned a lot from reading this site overnight. Especially, about conflict resolution and my own tendencies towards logic and failing to validate emotions even if they are not anchored in my reality. I’m going stop contesting the small issues and focus on marital harmony. The nature of most affairs by BPD and npd is that they burnout over time. In the meantime, I’m just planking and focusing on making my home as happy as possible. The constant fighting is without a doubt self defeating.
Everything you wrote makes a lot of sense. Validation can be amazingly effective at diffusing a difficult situation.
I hope you are also thinking about what you need to take care of yourself. In this type of situation we often get so wrapped up in what's going with our BPD loved ones that we lose site of our needs. Your user name, "Breakingpoint!" gives me the impression of someone who is stretched to their limit by an intolerable situation. I'm glad you're in couples counseling. Have you considered going to individual therapy too? Taking care of ourselves is just as important as taking care of our partners and our relationships. If individual therapy is not an option, you could looking into NAMI or CODA meetings in your area. In the beginning it was difficult for me to understand, my relationship couldn't get better if I didn't take care of myself.
