75 year old mother, I am just figuring out now she probably has BPD

[bone]

I gently confronted my mom about some memory loss she has been experiencing, and she went completely off the rails. She waited a week and then had my father (a massive enabler) called me up and read a script (literally) about how insulted they were, how I was never to call them again, etc. Ironically they kept yelling that I said she should see a psychiatrist. I actually said she should see a neurologist because I was concerned about medical stuff (but is the shoe fits...).

I started looking online about dementia thinking maybe that was what was going on and stumbled across BPD. Suddenly everything makes sense! The black and white thinking, the love/hate relationships, the rages, the "splitting" of my only sibling from me when I was growing up.

I moved out of my family home the day I turned 18 and never went back. For 33 years I have been somewhat ashamed of that. The last few days I have been feeling damn proud of my 18 year old self that I got the hell out !

I am happy to find a community of others who have been thought the same things!

[Harri]

Hi bone!  Welcome to the board.  You are right that you have found a place where people get it.  We all have a family member who has either BPD or traits associated with BPD and work on our own recovery and to learn coping skills.

I am sorry your parents reacted so poorly to your suggestion about memory loss.  What sort of things were happening that lead you to that belief?

I hope you settle in and read and jump into other posts.  It is good to connect to others and build a support network and we all work together to make things better in our own lives.

[Turkish]

I moved out of my family home the day I turned 18 and never went back. For 33 years I have been somewhat ashamed of that. The last few days I have been feeling damn proud of my 18 year old self that I got the hell out !

Me, too.  

When my mother started having trouble after 70, she was tested for dementia and cleared. I don't think her NP had access to her mental health records. My used her "cleared" status to say everything was all right.  Soon after,  real dementia seemed to set in.  That's what she was finally diagnosed with.  She's now a ward of the county in which she resides.  It was too much for me to handle.  POA, etc...

I'm sorry that your father is enabling and they both are being mean.  It sounds like you've come to a realization of a long history.

[Notwendy]

In high school, I counted the days until I could leave for college and not live at home with BPD mother.

I didn't move back once I left for school  but did return for some school breaks.

Yes, I'm familiar with the "scripts" my father has said to me, having been demanded to by BPD mother.

Denial is common I think. Welcome to the group.