What do you think will happen next?

[PrincessPR]

My ex boyfreind with BPD has came to my state and filed a false protection order. This was after me seeing him to ask was he going to fix an unemployment error on his behalf, and gi e me a 1099 to which he stated no. When I seen him I also figured out what it was he was doing to the mother he is caregiver of that is a narcissist, and abused him. HE is mentally abusinhg her now. When I realized this, I told him to keep my things he would not give back. I said keep them, he backed his car up and said to sue him. This man, to me does not want to lose a tie to me, or am I completely wrong about that. I sent a sympathy card just days later because he screamed at me his dad was dead at that visit when I asked where he was. I stated he showed me his hand, and I knew that he had the patience of Job, waiting 20 years once to seek revenge on a man, he says he always gets his revenge. I said that 20 years was nothing and he showed me his hand, boom 4 days later he came to my state not his own and filed. It was perjured and they knew it, I now have an attorney that will be filing for a dissolvment This man still has my things right where I left them, and is wearing my slippers.

What do you think he will do when that injunction is dissolved in 40 days? I am wondering if he thinks he is just going to show up and think nothing ever happened. None of our mutual friends even know what he has put my family through, IT is horrible...HE also told me when I seen him, that he was finally divorced, and that his children that bonded with mine did not know we were seperated. What in the world I am tired of trying to figure this out...

[hope2727]

Hello,

I am sorry you are enduring all that. I can honestly say that I have no idea what he will do next but I would expect an extinction burst (you can google the term for a full explanation). One of the most profound things a psychologist said to me is that you can't logic a broken brain. It really struck me that its true. We don't think like they do so there is no way to know what they will do. I have seen that over and over again in my life. So finally I had to just do what was best for me and stop worrying about people with the "broken brains" or their reactions. (I have more than one in my life.) They are responsible for their situations and I am responsible for mine. Just short of protecting myself and my loved one from direct harm I pretty much just let them do whatever and deal with their own consequences.

Now to those who will jump on the "broken brain" analogy as derogatory it is not. The psychologist in question readily recognizes that neuro-cognitive differences are to some degree variations of normal. However the point was to stop trying to anticipate or figure out people who did not think typically for whatever reason. Just live my life (with serious boundaries) and let them live theirs.

So do what you need to do to be safe. Tell our story from your prospective. Replace your stuff with new happier things, and live your own happy life.

As for his revenge...yeah I get that. That is VERY like my father. But they are allowed to be them and we don't have to participate. My father took his "revenge" 35 years later when he died. He managed to evade all responsibility to his ex wife and the children she left with all those years ago by shunning the kids in the will and tying up his wife's (they never officially divorced so all the property became hers) assets so that she will likely die before she ever gets them. Meanwhile the kids that took his side and towed the line are reaping the benefits. Whatever. Its only revenge if it affects us and in truth it doesn't. I knew I would never see a dime and so I didn't care when it happened. I have a happy fulfilling life and his "revenge" really has no impact on me. That is seriously frustrating for my siblings but seriously peaceful for me. They love a reaction even a negative one. The lack of reaction is so confounding to them.

So go live a happy fulfilling life. Protect yourself legally. Protect yourself physically. Be honest and transparent about what happened. And most of all be happy.

You are worthy and deserving of a peaceful happy life. Sending you a hug of support. 

[PrincessPR]

thank you ,now it seems that he is trying to get me, to break the protection order by sending word. Supposedly my (niece not blood) told her Aunt that they are "talking" I was horrified and told her Aunt that talking meant screwing then put all her dirt on FB but took it off. REalizing as I did it, that he was trying to push my buttons and make me violate so he could say see she is nuts ...Not even playing into it~ just go be happy even if its not me, is what I am going to post on a open page. I know he stalks, he has been in love me with 25 years I did not know it. His google account synced with my daughters, and there were dozens of pics of me, and only me. Some of which I had never seen before, and some if me with people cut out of them! WOW, even my panties on his pillow sleeping with them! thank you! But I think by not responding like I care, and wishing the best is my best revenge!

[hope2727]

I am glad you are starting to detach. I know its hard but totally ignoring him is best for everyone. If people try to talk to you about it try to be neutral and not react. you can always freak out later in private. They LOVE a reaction any reaction. So just be private and normal and calm. I had some set responses to people's nosy nonsense including "oh thats the past and I'd rather not discuss it" or "I wish him the best but its not my business what he does anymore" ...smile change subject. Try and see how it feels. Let us know.

[PrincessPR]

Hello,

I am sorry you are enduring all that. I can honestly say that I have no idea what he will do next but I would expect an extinction burst (you can google the term for a full explanation). One of the most profound things a psychologist said to me is that you can't logic a broken brain. It really struck me that its true. We don't think like they do so there is no way to know what they will do. I have seen that over and over again in my life. So finally I had to just do what was best for me and stop worrying about people with the "broken brains" or their reactions. (I have more than one in my life.) They are responsible for their situations and I am responsible for mine. Just short of protecting myself and my loved one from direct harm I pretty much just let them do whatever and deal with their own consequences.

Now to those who will jump on the "broken brain" analogy as derogatory it is not. The psychologist in question readily recognizes that neuro-cognitive differences are to some degree variations of normal. However the point was to stop trying to anticipate or figure out people who did not think typically for whatever reason. Just live my life (with serious boundaries) and let them live theirs.

So do what you need to do to be safe. Tell our story from your prospective. Replace your stuff with new happier things, and live your own happy life.

As for his revenge...yeah I get that. That is VERY like my father. But they are allowed to be them and we don't have to participate. My father took his "revenge" 35 years later when he died. He managed to evade all responsibility to his ex wife and the children she left with all those years ago by shunning the kids in the will and tying up his wife's (they never officially divorced so all the property became hers) assets so that she will likely die before she ever gets them. Meanwhile the kids that took his side and towed the line are reaping the benefits. Whatever. Its only revenge if it affects us and in truth it doesn't. I knew I would never see a dime and so I didn't care when it happened. I have a happy fulfilling life and his "revenge" really has no impact on me. That is seriously frustrating for my siblings but seriously peaceful for me. They love a reaction even a negative one. The lack of reaction is so confounding to them.

So go live a happy fulfilling life. Protect yourself legally. Protect yourself physically. Be honest and transparent about what happened. And most of all be happy.

You are worthy and deserving of a peaceful happy life. Sending you a hug of support. 

[PrincessPR]

Well, sadly the night I posted about my weekend, and the Aunt getting caught in the middle. Remember I stated about the card, and I knew he was getting his retribution? After being, hit with that, I had my niece come and pick me up from where I was at, and we went straight to the tattoo parlor. I had a tattoo that he and I gps together that were the coordinances, where we met 30 years ago.

Anyway, he had messaged me the most beautiful message ever in my life, about Fate. So after hearing that bomb, I had FAUX above the coordinances, and FATE under them. I had told him a few times, that had I never gotten involved with his parents, and stayed in my brand new home  taking care of my family we would still be together.

Saturday morning, my sister is friends with him on FB and posted a picture of my arm, no name because I made him block me, months ago. Anyway she posted it thanked the Tattoo Shop, they were closing when I went in at 1am. Anyway, Sunday morning, I got to my other FB page I set just for him to get his families pictures on, and I posted the picture of my arm as the profile, cover ect...

The next morning ~ Monday~ apparently his mother was found "died peacefully in her sleep" HOLY ___! I did not learn about it until 6 days later when I googled her name, because I knew I would not hear about it!  SHOCKED IS NOT THE WORD FOR IT!  I am counting the days down, and have put videos on there asking for him to make a phone call that I do in fact have an attorney, to please make a phone call I did not want it to get nasty.

Well NASTY I guess it is going to be. I have no way to contact him, because of the RO, and my sister is scared of him. He is a 40 vet in motorcycle club, marine, and college educated, federal inmate. SO I get to deal with a split HIGHLY DANGEROUS BAD MFER. His birthday is Thurs or Friday and I have no intentions of even acknowledging it on the page. I was going to put my daugther singing a song to him long distance 2 years ago. But I don't know. I did post a video telling him I knew of her passing and that I new the next day~ I dont' want him thinking he can slide anything by me. I  19 days thank god! This is nerve racking, I told him in a video, I just wanted this over, so he would have no connection to me, that no one was going to take my college education away. I have since found out also that I can press charges here in FLORIDA on my niece and fully intend too. I dont' care, don't dish it out if you can't take it!

I planted a seed about how I didnt' know how to save us. That I knew he was broken down when I left, and that I seen all the ___ storms on his google drive. I am hoping he will come here and seek help ! Highly doubtful but , I am not going to live in fear of him the rest of my life. He is now free bi-weekly weekends and I am wondering if he is stalking me now, I keep finding certain toothpics outside my garage ...

Not long not long~ thank god!

[once removed]

how is it going now PrincessPR?

[PrincessPR]

This situation keeps getting weirder and weirder is all I can say. ...So I finally get with my attorney, and we go over the facts of my niece, and trying to make unauthorized changes to my accounts there, as he directed her to, with the pity party.  My attorney advises me to go home, and call the Sheriff's dept, and see if a Deputy will pull a case # on her. When I called the state, she lived in I screwed myself. I should have originally done it here ..

The deputy arrives at my home, and he is 6"5" and from up north, me having the gift of gab, ask him about heigth and then his yankee accent. I say, ok your from New England, I said Mass? He says no Conn. I then tell him I am from up north also, and ask him how the heck he ended up in my little town BFE. I have been in therapy since December, and have been having impulse control issues, not a disorder but it explains, a lot. But when stressed, I will black out words a person says.

All I caught was "Federal Agent". Then he asks to look at my injunction, and skip the niece, after I tell him the ex came from his home another state, and filed here. He says after asking me some questions about him, and where was his evidence. I said he presented nothing, he asks me to call me attorney. He says, man I feel bad for this lady~ he is probably mid-late 50's. He says~ "she was PLEASE READed from the beginning" they talk about 30 mins, and I am like WTH...So then he says to me after hanging up, "I have dealt with these kind of people" my whole career, and I said, what "Psychos" he just kinda shook his head yes.

Long story short, he then tells me he is going to help me as much as he can. That it should never have been served on me, or granted. That the deputy that served it here, should have refused, they have that right .Taken it back to the judge, and said no...SO then he says for me, to call him with my attorney from the courthouse when we go in 2 weeks, if it is dissolved. He will come and start  pulling case #'s as soon as we leave the courtroom, and come downstairs. I am like wow thanks. He goes out to his vehicle, and I asked was it customary for sheriffs to ride by my home every 3-4 hours. He tells me its him, and he comes because of a major in my neighborhood. I live in a new residential home. I saw him out the door closed in shock.

5 mins later the door again, its him. HE says can I take a look at the injunction again, that deputy should not have served it, and he doesn't like getting people in trouble but this was a time that it needed to be addressed. SO he takes his pad out, and writes the badge # and name down. It didn't dawn on me at the time, but he took a picture of the exes personal information.

6 days later my daughter texted the ex, asking if he was doing ok? I was horrified, and worried he would press charges, for violating. I called that deputy,  I was across the street from the dept, at my therapist office. I tell him, and he says he will document it, and it was good I was honest about it. I then  asked you never did say what kind of Fed Agent you are. He then says all I am going to tell you is I just got off a Hells Angels case I work ~ Organzed Crime, and Narcotics. Then drops this in my lap, he says I just finished 6mos surveillance on the soutwest chapters~ my ex's club chapters. I nearly PLEASE READ myself. I said I had to get inside to therapy, and he was fine. I played surprised, and dumb. I was shocked.

I called him yesterday and told him when my courtdate is, and he is coming to my home tomorrow~ He told me he is going to wear street clothes that day in court. I have no idea, what he is coming for tomorrow, it will be interesting to say the least!

Court is May 28...YESSSSS I am so glad to be getting his tie to me severed! ...So I will keep  you updated, thank you for all the advice, explanations, and support!

Thanks,
Princess 

N