Did she learn a lesson from my example?

[Depression = 72% of members]

My wife continuously has been non-supportive of my health issues er the years. She complains about how it is looking bad for her insurance that she pays for me. Nevertheless, the times that I have had to go the hospital have been at the requests of my doctors, and I was having medical concerns. My wife, though, thought it was no big deal. She even told me when I was in the hospital, that I should leave, because it was going to cost her insurance. Nevertheless, that didn’t happen.

Today, I got a text from her where she was working, that she was having difficulty standing, and her “medium counselor” told her to get calcium and magnesium. So, my wife sent me a text to see if I could bring her which I did. Frankly, she looked pretty bad. I asked her if I could do anything else for her. So, I bought Tylenol and Emergency C for her.

I left, and later on, I sent her a text to see if she were feeling better. She said yes and thanked me very much.

Considering how she has treated me negating any physical condition I have, do you think she learned something by my example of simply doing something humane for her, that anyone would do based on her circumstances? I sure hope so!

[Trobert]

My wife continuously has been non-supportive of my health issues er the years. She complains about how it is looking bad for her insurance that she pays for me. Nevertheless, the times that I have had to go the hospital have been at the requests of my doctors, and I was having medical concerns. My wife, though, thought it was no big deal. She even told me when I was in the hospital, that I should leave, because it was going to cost her insurance. Nevertheless, that didn’t happen.

Today, I got a text from her where she was working, that she was having difficulty standing, and her “medium counselor” told her to get calcium and magnesium. So, my wife sent me a text to see if I could bring her which I did. Frankly, she looked pretty bad. I asked her if I could do anything else for her. So, I bought Tylenol and Emergency C for her.

I left, and later on, I sent her a text to see if she were feeling better. She said yes and thanked me very much.

Considering how she has treated me negating any physical condition I have, do you think she learned something by my example of simply doing something humane for her, that anyone would do based on her circumstances? I sure hope so!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Trobert]

I have had a bad habit of eating snacks watching TV when my wife isn’t around. I do my best to clean up after myself; yet, she finds little bits of snacks which I don’t see. So, it’s my fault. I accept I have been wrong, and I will only eat and drink in the dining room. I have apologized to her, and I won’t do it again.

So, she said I was one of the reasons why she has muscle spasms. The other reason is that she has gone out of town a couple times to help her daughter who has a cold. Then, my wife works and studies.

Indeed, she has a lot going on. So, I am changing my ways so she can’t complain about me. Nevertheless, she also has to change, and her spasms are one sign that her body is attacking herself. Bottom line, she is doing too much. The stress of forcing herself to study is weighing her down. Then, 20 years ago, she lost her oldest daughter to a mosquito bite.

I am changing to help her, but she needs to make much more significant changes.

[once removed]

in general, you certainly want to model loving behavior as an example in your relationship.

i found personally, that theres a fine line between that, and trying to teach my ex who and how to be as a person. if we do that in a way that is contrary to who they are as a person, boundaries between us can get blurry.

So, she said I was one of the reasons why she has muscle spasms.

can you say more about what she said here?

I am changing to help her, but she needs to make much more significant changes.

what changes would you like to see from her?

[Trobert]

My wife feels that for her to do so much which includes preparing meals for me, that I contributed to her having muscle spasms. Now that her muscle spasms have decreased due to positive energy sent from her medium counselor, she feels better.

Well, I wish she would realize that she is married to me. She was all nice, kind, and sweet for a long time, and I was that way and I still am. She is the one who has gradually changed. She told me she was acting, that the person who she was at first is not the person who she is now. She devotes so much time to her work, to her studies, that she has said that once she is finished with her studies, that she will have more time for our relationship. Well, that was 6 years ago. So, while does prepare meals for me for which I show my gratitude every day, she said this is all she can do for me.

Another thing that would solidify our relationship is if I could trust her. There are so many times she has eroded our trust with her toxic words. Then, she apologized with: “I apologize for what I have done and for what I WILL do”. How can I trust her after such statement and the rest of what she said? If she were capable of devoting more time to our relationship, that would be great, but her words and actions don’t convey trust. It’s quite the opposite.

I am a trusting, loving guy. I am not mean. In fact, she said I am not mean, that I do harm others. I am hurt that she can’t be trusted.

[Trobert]

My wife had a rushed day of her own doing. She rushed out of bed to cook meals, although she had already prepared enough meals for several days. I saw she was doing this this morning. So, I offered to help cut veggies for her, but she grunted she could do it herself and told me not to offer again. As I was finishing my shower, she told me I was “free” to eat breakfast. I thanked her.

Then, she went to work. She called me to buy some sushi for her daughter and friend which I did, and she thanked me.

Another remark besides being “free” to prepare breakfast was when she returned from work and going to a store where the owner knows me. The owner calls me by my legal name. My wife specifically said my legal name 5 times so as to try to aggravate me; however, I didn’t take the bait. I just heard her, and that was it.

So, the reason why I am sharing under this post is because she didn’t learn that I am really on her side and that I do things for her out of love and respect. Yep, she has very little love and very little respect of me, and yet, I hope for an ounce of love and respect.

[No-One]

Now that her muscle spasms have decreased due to positive energy sent from her medium counselor, she feels better.

  Medium counselor?  Are we talking about someone who claims to do some type of psychic healing?  I'm thinking she charges a fee to "send positive energy"?

[Chosen]

Considering how she has treated me negating any physical condition I have, do you think she learned something by my example of simply doing something humane for her, that anyone would do based on her circumstances? I sure hope so!

I hate to rain on anybody else's parade, but from my experience, no.  It's not because my uBPDh cannot have empathy or care about me.  It's because he chooses not to (to punish me, to deliberately without the human touch I crave because I "made" him miserable).  That said, I think you set a good example, and maybe if you wife feels more cared for and validated, she would begin to response.  Here's to hoping that she would response in kind!

[Trobert]

No-one, yes, my wife’s medium counselor sends her positive energy. This “medium counselor” seems to be the mother my wife should have to a certain extent, because her mother was physically abusive. So, this “medium counselor” has helped her, but this “medium counselor” hasn’t helped me or our relationship. She hasn’t helped me, because I really believed her. I developed a sandal. She said I should pursue getting a patent attorney and put money towards it. I and my sister-in-law put some $15,000 towards its development. I flew out of state to a conference. After all was said and done, the patent was denied 3 times. This “medium counselor” couldn’t understand. So, my confidence in her fell completely.

Meanwhile, my wife still believes, or let’s say, depends on every word she says. Also, my relationship has gone downhill. That’s when her toxic talk really began.

Meanwhile, this “medium counselor” charges $50 for a half hour phone call, and my wife calls her once a week. She has gone to some women’s retreats which are costly, too.