Not sure where to go from here

[Paper kite]

After months in therapy trying to figure out what I have been doing wrong to have the reactions from my significant other my therapist asked if I had ever heard of BPD. I hadn't so she suggested I read Stop Walking On Eggshells. I haven't finished it yet but it's been so eye-opening. My partner checks so many of the boxes. I'm constantly being blamed for not doing enough for them, being the source of all fights and issues. It's often exhausting trying to navigate the ever changing rules that have been put into place.
Saying I'll do better or try harder. Letting terrible things go. Forgiving, forgetting, forgiving again.
It seems impossible for them to see all the things I do for them and for our relationship every day. I keep trying.
I get yelled at for freezing up or being in my head right after being screamed at for something, anything that sets them off.

I don't know what I can do to prove to them that I am here, supporting them, loving them, truly because I do. I'm told words aren't good enough. But anyone in my life knows how above and beyond I go.

I don't know if they are even aware of BPD. There is intense anxiety, PTSD, and depression; all of which we have discussed but this is a whole new world that continues to emerge. I'm afraid of the road ahead and how I can help to continue growing our relationship when their eyes are constantly focused on the negatives.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Kc2419]

Hi!

I'm new too. I'm asking the same questions you are. I've been with my husband for 5 1/2 years, and married for almost 4. I didn't see any red flags till the honeymoon, and didn't put them all together until 2 weeks ago.

I'm just writing to say you're not alone. I don't have any answers, but I can emphasize 100%. I wish you all the best on your journey. 

[Ozzie101]

Hello, Paper kite! Welcome!

I'd like to join Kc2419 in saying that you're not alone. What you wrote is very familiar to me and to many other members here. Like you, I was berated and blamed and verbally attacked for all kinds of things and told it was my fault. For a while, I believed it. Then, something clicked and I finally realized it wasn't me (or wasn't all me -- there were things I was doing that were making the situation worse).

It's so frustrating and painful, isn't it? And it's difficult for a non (someone without BPD) to wrap one's head around.

Have you read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells? It's an incredibly valuable book that many of us here have read. It really explains the BPD mindset, where it comes from, how it manifests itself. That book is what led me (and many others) here.

I know you're in a very difficult situation. Believe me. I've been there. But the people here can help. We have a lot of tools and tips and experience to share. While it seems hopeless at times, there are things you can do that can possibly improve your relationship. It's worked for me.

There are a lot of things that I've done that really helped me cope. If you'd like, we can share some of that with you. Sometimes, describing one recent incident (how it started, what the pwBPD said/did, how you responded) can be a big help to us in figuring out how to help you.

Keep posting!

[Ray2017]

I don't have anything to suggest - I'm brand new here, too.  But I can relate to what you're saying so much.  I've found it incredibly comforting to know I'm not alone and there are resources out there (Walking on Eggshells was so helpful).  I hope you (and all of us looking) find the help/support you need!