Update after silence

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

So much has changed since I last posted.  I had to go back to see when I last posted.  I am no longer at the DV shelter.  I no longer feel scared for my safety.  I am staying with my girlfriend.  It's been hard trying to get money together, but I am getting there.

I was "exited" from the DV shelter.  I went to spend time with my girlfriend and friends, dinner, and just spending time together.  I left S3 at her house because he went to sleep.  I had called the DV shelter before curfew and told them what was going, didn't lie and asked if it was okay if I was out a little late.  Told the advocate, maybe an hour past curfew.  She said okay.  Didn't say anything about, hey, if you are late, we're throwing you out.  I show up at the shelter, and they refused to let me in.  I emailed my advocate that night and called her that morning.  When I told her what happened, she was very upset and said that it was handled very poorly.  I tried fighting it, but my girlfriend said I can stay with her.  She saved me.  I decided to just let it go. 

I haven't heard anything from legal.  I feel at this junction I am on my own.  It may be for the best that DV shelter and their legal isn't involved in my life anymore.  My bph has been taking S3 3-4 days of the week.  It has helped me try to pull a second job.  I am working every day now.  S8 is coming back Monday or Tuesday.  I feel the weight of having the discussion with him about what's going on.  I will be okay.  I have a daycare set up for both of the boys with assitance.  I know I have to tread carefully with all of this. 

I have been blessed to have my girlfriend and I met another woman on a forum that has gone through very similar things.  In the short time we have talked, we have discovered that we have a very tight bond.  We have been a very strong support system for each other.  Judgement free and we can tell each other anything and not worry about what either will think.  My girlfriends has been my guardian angels.  One to provide support that I can make it on my own.  The other one to hold each other's hands and understand the horrible things both of us went through. 

I have experienced so many different things in the past month.  I feel more free and strong than I have in so long.  I no longer feel the need to find anybody else.  I have networked so much that I know I can make it through this.  I have gained a very strong support system and I recently discovered my coworker is going through a similiar situation.  She is much younger than me.  She said she doesn't know how I do it, especially with two kids.  I told her, that it took me months to wear down to a point where I said.. enough.  And it took two weeks to plan to get away.  She has opened up to me a lot.  Her story sounds so much like mine, that she is right there, teetering on the edge.  I hope that my journey will show her that it is possible to be happy again, to be strong enough to get away from a bad situation, that she doesn't have to keep tolerating it.  I told her that I am not going to tell her what to do, but I will tell her what I have been through and how I found happiness.

I know I still have so much healing to do and forgiving a lot.  I still find I get very angry at my exbph when I have to converse with him about certain things.  He's trying very hard to show me he's changed.  He still has hope.  When he talks about giving him another chance.. I feel rage, building up.  Like I just want to yell at him.. honestly I don't even know what about right now because I'm not talking to him.  There is so much hurt.  I really am trying to co-parent with him, but he is still fixated on getting back together.  I feel everything is starting to come together except dealing with him.

[Frankee]

So much has changed since I last posted.  I had to go back to see when I last posted.  I am no longer at the DV shelter.  I no longer feel scared for my safety.  I am staying with my girlfriend.  It's been hard trying to get money together, but I am getting there.

I was "exited" from the DV shelter.  I went to spend time with my girlfriend and friends, dinner, and just spending time together.  I left S3 at her house because he went to sleep.  I had called the DV shelter before curfew and told them what was going, didn't lie and asked if it was okay if I was out a little late.  Told the advocate, maybe an hour past curfew.  She said okay.  Didn't say anything about, hey, if you are late, we're throwing you out.  I show up at the shelter, and they refused to let me in.  I emailed my advocate that night and called her that morning.  When I told her what happened, she was very upset and said that it was handled very poorly.  I tried fighting it, but my girlfriend said I can stay with her.  She saved me.  I decided to just let it go. 

I haven't heard anything from legal.  I feel at this junction I am on my own.  It may be for the best that DV shelter and their legal isn't involved in my life anymore.  My bph has been taking S3 3-4 days of the week.  It has helped me try to pull a second job.  I am working every day now.  S8 is coming back Monday or Tuesday.  I feel the weight of having the discussion with him about what's going on.  I will be okay.  I have a daycare set up for both of the boys with assitance.  I know I have to tread carefully with all of this. 

I have been blessed to have my girlfriend and I met another woman on a forum that has gone through very similar things.  In the short time we have talked, we have discovered that we have a very tight bond.  We have been a very strong support system for each other.  Judgement free and we can tell each other anything and not worry about what either will think.  My girlfriends has been my guardian angels.  One to provide support that I can make it on my own.  The other one to hold each other's hands and understand the horrible things both of us went through. 

I have experienced so many different things in the past month.  I feel more free and strong than I have in so long.  I no longer feel the need to find anybody else.  I have networked so much that I know I can make it through this.  I have gained a very strong support system and I recently discovered my coworker is going through a similiar situation.  She is much younger than me.  She said she doesn't know how I do it, especially with two kids.  I told her, that it took me months to wear down to a point where I said.. enough.  And it took two weeks to plan to get away.  She has opened up to me a lot.  Her story sounds so much like mine, that she is right there, teetering on the edge.  I hope that my journey will show her that it is possible to be happy again, to be strong enough to get away from a bad situation, that she doesn't have to keep tolerating it.  I told her that I am not going to tell her what to do, but I will tell her what I have been through and how I found happiness.

I know I still have so much healing to do and forgiving a lot.  I still find I get very angry at my exbph when I have to converse with him about certain things.  He's trying very hard to show me he's changed.  He still has hope.  When he talks about giving him another chance.. I feel rage, building up.  Like I just want to yell at him.. honestly I don't even know what about right now because I'm not talking to him.  There is so much hurt.  I really am trying to co-parent with him, but he is still fixated on getting back together.  I feel everything is starting to come together except dealing with him.

[Mutt]

Hi Frankee,

I’m sorry to hear that you got kicked out of the DV shelter without any warning. It sounds like you’re looking at the positive side of the situation.

I feel everything is starting to come together except dealing with him.

This is going to take time - maybe you already do this but I’ll suggest it anyway, maybe don’t divulge any personal information and strictly keep the conversations about the kids.

[Cat Familiar]

Awesome that you have such great girlfriends.     And now you can be a mentor for a younger woman who is going through a similar situation. The universe seems to reward us when we can reach out to others.

It will take a while to get on a better footing with your ex. And like Mutt said, just keep conversations limited to the kids. Things will resolve eventually and he will likely start looking for a new relationship and when he does, the pressure will be off getting back together with you.