Hi,
I'm going to try to keep this short. I'm not sure why it took me this long (a little under 10 years) to just find a website like this. I've been "researching" and looking for help/answers for years with no help. I've gone to therapists, not even for me, for how to deal with my dad, but nothing. I know the problem, and the "solutions" are all easier said than done.
I started working with my dad almost 10 years ago. He is a big deal in the medical skincare industry. I won' get into detail as to why to maintain anonymity. We had a great childhood. He always and still does takes care of us when we need it. He is the most generous, giving person anyone will ever meet. And anyone who knows him would agree. However, nobody knows the other side of it. He has an opioid problem, and apparently has had one since before I was born. He was hospitalized a few times for overdoses, but I didn't know any of that until the last 5-6 years. I do confront him about it, but he will lie to my face. Anyway, my brother started in the business about 5 years ago. He followed in my dad's footsteps, and as we were told our whole life, this business will be ours one day.
I started looking into family business issues, and it's all textbook. Power struggles and so on. But there was nothing about the transition of power AND someone who is not of sound mind. Earlier this week, I came across BDP, and my father has every single sign/symptom.
He has a very false sense of reality. He feels we are out to get him. One second he is our best friend, the next second we are his biggest enemy. He craves attention... He actively tells people he's in the hospital...(a lot of people think he's been there for years) He's the type of person who will cause a problem, and try to be the one to fix it to be the "hero" and to say "See what I did!"
My brother and I, in the last 5 years have made great changes within the company. Got rid of toxic coworkers (huge problem with dad) changed the company culture, did everything we could control. Dad has and still has a tendency to protect the people who take the most advantage. Why, I will never know...
As of last week, we had an employee leave because of her laziness. My dad lost his mind and insulted us in front of the rest of the employees. It was really
PLEASE READed up.
So, it has come time to make a tough choice and have a tough conversation. My dad is 70 years old, he is not a good listener and will not give you a chance to speak. Will talk over you for hours. Its excruciating.
One HUGE issue is, last year, he called our lawyer to give my brother and I majority ownership "because retirement was coming up" He's been saying this for years... I knew that was a bad idea and he would use it against us. That's exactly what happened. He accused us of conspiring against him and forging his signature. I showed him the footage from the meeting room with sound. The lawyer explaining again what dad was about to sign...and my dad really denied it.
My dad and brother are barely on speaking terms, and rightfully so. My dad is very threatened by my brother and badmouths him to everyone. (especially our customers)
So we decided its time for the ultimatum... Either you let us continue running this place without interfering or we leave. We love you as a father but not as a boss. Either way, he's going to take it as the ultimate betrayal. I know it has to be done, but I cannot get myself to have that conversation with him. I don't want him to OD. I'm pretty sure he will go out of his way to put himself in the hospital just to be able to say "Look what my kids did to me"
This has obviously taken a toll on me. I'm not sleeping, I don't want to be around anyone or have any conversations. I tend to shut down when I have a problem and bounce back. But this is really getting to me and I don't know what to do. He won't get help, he doesn't think there is a problem. I've told him numerous times, "Dad, you're never happy and you'll never be happy with what we do. If you're not happy, we're not happy. We can't work like this etc..." Nothing changes. It's a
PLEASE READty, vicious cycle. I'm exhausted, scared, miserable, and I wish I could just run away from it all.
