Has she lost her mind? This is absolute lunacy, am I right?

[ColdKnight]

Following my post about gaslighting I’d like to know what is the
boldest triangulation stunt your pwBPD ever did to you?

Here is mine and it just happened today.

After two weeks of the silent treatment, she said she would call me back and never did, I broke down and reached out. DUMB...  I told her I missed her and wanted to start keeping in touch again. Her response: Sure that’s cool..

The next day I sent her a text basically apologizing for why I thought she might have been giving me the silent treatment. DUMB...

She responded the next day that she had met someone.

I sent off a long text calling her out on all of her behavior over the past year, told her she needed to get help and I would never contact her again. We work at the same large company in different buildings so there is a chance to run into each other occasionally. I told her that I would avoid her if I saw her and to please avoid me as well. If we did have to speak at work I would be professional and I expected her to be as well.

I got a work email today and I am on the list of invitees to a baby shower she is hosting in the office for an employee who I am friendly with but not friends. Also on the list is her xbf who got in trouble with HR because of her two years prior. He is also the the person she first triangulated me with.

Has she lost her mind? Please tell me no normal person would do this? This is absolute lunacy, am I right?

[once removed]

She responded the next day that she had met someone.

ouch.

this is always hard news.

do you think she thought you were pursuing her, and she felt like she had to make it clear?

[ColdKnight]

I honestly don’t know what she thought. The whole issue began when she texted that she didn’t like it that she hadn’t heard from me in a day and a half. I called her, she came over. That night in bed she said she “I need you to need me”. After she left that morning I texted “miss you already” she replied “sleep sunshine” (uh oh red flag..see my post on BPD discard ritual)

That night I sent her two pics without text (just pics of floaties I bought for my pool) she responded with happy texts.

The next night she sent me two selfies in a mud mask and asked “Pretty?”

 I responded “Haaaaaaaa gorgeous! Fixed the disposal and threw chicken on the grill. Wish you were here”

An hour later I texted “you said you wanted to go to the fair. Still want to go?”

The next day around 2pm she sent “I don’t think so. I’m not feeling very wanted not do I feel like my presence is very wanted. I know you are not doing it on purpose but it still hurts”

I called her that night and she felt like she was way more into the relationship than I was. I tried to reassure her and asked what she wanted to do she said she didn’t know. She said she would text me the next day.

The next night she tried to face time me but I was at a baseball game and didn’t answer. (Looking back I think she was going to discard me)

The next day I texted “hey, I saw you called last night. I was at a baseball game. What’s up?”

She responded “oh. Thanks for the invite”

I was angry at that point. It felt like she was playing games so two hours later I texted “don’t be a punk little girl” that was my playful attempt to establish boundaries. At that point I was tired of kissing her a** and tip toeing around her.

She did not respond and I had planned to wait her out. The next week I accidentally FaceTimed her. Long story but after out first break up I accidentally texted her twice cutting and pasting her texts to show someone else to get some input on why she left me. Fearing she might think I was pulling a repeat to try and re establish contact i texted “butt dial, sorry” after no response for 20 min I sent “hey, I am not **king with you I promise. I thought you were FaceTiming me and tried to answer then realized it was my phone calling you”

That was at noon and at 8pm I called her. She asked if she could call back in 20 minutes because she was getting in the shower.

I said sure take your time. She never called back thus initiating two weeks of silent treatment.

I texted her last Friday : I miss you. I don’t like not talking to you. I’d love to go back to keeping in touch if you are ok with that. If not I understand.

30 minutes later she responded: sure, that’s cool

I responded with a wink

The next day I texted
“Hi.
I actually bought two tickets to the game with you in mind. When you didn't want to go to the fair. I thought no point in asking you to the game.

After our last phone conversation I really wasn't sure what was going on in your head.  I felt you were asking for space and the last thing you would want is to be invited to, much less go to, a baseball game when you weren't sure how you were feeling about me.

Yes I was a bit of an ass in my response to your text about not being invited but I was a little miffed and that’s just who I am sometimes.

I wasn't trying to be manipulative and there was nothing sinister going on. I thought I was doing the right thing for you while still being true to myself.

I think if we were honest with ourselves the idea of doing normal couple things sounds great but when it gets close to it we start to feel uneasy and that comes out of both of us”

A day later (Sunday August 11) she responded:

“I never thought twice about doing normal couple things. That’s so mean.

Good thing I met someone who isn’t embarrassed of me. “ (total bs btw, I’ve tried to get her to do couple things often)

At this point I’d had enough. I fired of a very inflammatory text calling her out on all of her behavior. I told her to avoid me and I would avoid her and I would never contact her again. Basically designed to insure that we never get together again.

The next day she Included me on the work email inviting a group to a baby shower at work for a fellow employee. She included another ex on the email. This is what prompted me to start this thread...

[Cromwell]

At this point I’d had enough. I fired of a very inflammatory text calling her out on all of her behavior. I told her to avoid me and I would avoid her and I would never contact her again. Basically designed to insure that we never get together again.

The next day she Included me on the work email inviting a group to a baby shower at work for a fellow employee. She included another ex on the email. This is what prompted me to start this thread...

Hi ColdKnight

 It sounds like a safe way to reach out, she could always just claim to have accidentally added you in the group email if she gets confronted about it.

I dont see her actions as lunacy, people have little fall-outs and it takes one side to think about reaching out and showing they wish to reconcile.

She could for example just think you are very upset and it is now her job to show she cares by trying to reach out, this is the indirect way of trying to be there for you?

[jinglebells1989]

OP

I’ll be your voice of  reason in this thread.

Yes it is absolute insanity. It makes my heart ache too because I also dated a girl with BPD that I work with and now realize she’s probably slept with multiple guys at work.

Makes me physically ill thinking about it but yes they seem to like having all these different men competing with one another for their attention. If they are able to cause all this drama it makes them feel alive. That’s why she’s doing it. They are bottomless black holes of need and sex. I’m only hoping it’s a matter of time this chick I work with gets fired. Let’s hope it’s the same for your situation.

[jinglebells1989]

I’ll also add that some of the stuff yours said is verbatim what mine said like that “thanks for the invite” bullsh*t. Their behavior is so identical it’s frightening.

Also don’t beat yourself up. I was alpha as f*ck with the girl I dated and she still acted up. When they get fed up with alphas they’ll transition to betas for a while and then when they’re fed up with betas they’ll transition back to alphas. The only difference is they can keep betas on the hook indefinitely. These are the guys who end up killing themeselves when the BPD discards them.

[once removed]

“I never thought twice about doing normal couple things. That’s so mean.

Good thing I met someone who isn’t embarrassed of me. “

okay. that helps clarify.

it sounds like in the lead up to all of this she was pushing really hard for your attention. she got it...maybe she felt it was too late, its hard to say. if so, then the remark about meeting someone may have just been more of that; a really immature way to get your attention, or to make you pay for whatever she was feeling over it.

the thing is, if thats what shes doing, firing off at her is just fighting fire with fire, and it tells her it worked. it doesnt necessarily burn the bridge, especially if shes under your skin. detaching really means having a cool head, dealing with (or not dealing with) drama in a detached way.

so the question to me is where you want to go next with this. the two of you work together. do you think this will be the last of it?

[ColdKnight]

Cromwell. Yes I did consider it may be a safe way for her to reach out but the fact that one of her ex’s is on the invite list made me think it was something other.

@Jinglebells. When I first me her I was definitely alpha until I saw her talking to her ex. I kinda of dumped her and immediately regretted it. After we patched things up I got progressively needy and clingy.

Once removed. You are right she did get/is under my skin and my text was not detached. I am not detached. A detached response would have been “cool, Hope it works out” or better yet, no response at all. I couldn’t do that because I would always be waiting and hoping someday that she’d text and if she didn’t then I probably would.

 I needed the closure. I couldn’t keep wondering. I look at it similar to this: if my child went missing, I would rather get news that they were dead than hope everyday of my life that they might show up. That may sound harsh but that’s the way it is for me. I can’t handle the anxiety.

Where do I want to go next? Well I’ll be honest. I’d love to get back together with her. The difference between this discard and the first is this, after the first discard I was trying to get her back. After this one I’d like her back but I am not trying...

And yes we work together. It’s a big company and we don’t work in the same office building. Do I think this will be the last of it? Honestly I don’t...I have a feeling we will cross paths again...