Leaving is so hard...

[Eric0313]

I've been "married" for 31 years, mostly because it's so difficult to leave.  Most recently we discovered that she has a meningioma and are waiting to see if it requires surgery.  There's always something.  She complains daily of other ailments that she does nothing about.
My adult children call her out on being so rude to me all the time, and tell me to divorce her at least once a week.  We've been to marriage counseling before.  She ultimately refused to go any more because she thought the counselor didn't like her and was picking on her.
I know what I want to do, but she is also my best friend (some of the time.)  I don't have any friends because I'm not able to maintain the friendships because she makes it so hard for me just to see them.
I'd appreciate any helpful comments and will reply.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi Eric0313 and

31 years is a long time. it sounds like its been a roller coaster.

I don't have any friends because I'm not able to maintain the friendships because she makes it so hard for me just to see them.

experts will tell you that a strong support system is critical. its good that youve reached out here, for that reason. friends and family are really important too.

can you tell us more about whats going on? how does she make it hard?

[Radcliff]

Let me join once removed in welcoming you.  Many of us have spent all our energy trying to get our partners to a good place, only to become isolated ourselves in the process.  Let me suggest a two-pronged strategy.  First, commit yourself to a health life for yourself, and start to build connections and friendships.  Pursue an activity or two that you enjoy.  Deal with your wife on the issue with quiet confidence and compassion, but don't wait for permission.  Second, stick around here to learn some coping skills that can help you connect with her and help keep conflict from escalating.

RC

[MrsDarling]

You said: “I know what I want to do.”

Do that.  Be brave. Be strong. Do what you want to do.

[MrsDarling]

P.s. - This quote is in my notes from my reading on all of this: 


“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.” –Amelia Earhart