DD16 help with situation

[Anonym6789]

Hi,  this is my first post here.  My DD16 was diagnosed with BPD 6 months ago after she started self harming.  She's been in therapy with DBT.  Things have gotten a lot better.  We had a situation that has come up that i'm trying to work through.  How do you enforce/ implement the rules we set as parents, while validating their response without conceding?  Our rule is that she's not allowed to have boys in her room and she's not allowed in other boys' rooms.  She has a new bf and his parents allow them to be in his room.  She's already stressed about the relationship (due to past experiences of a toxic relationship) and she feels she is being disrespectful to his parents by not being allowed over there in his room.  Also that we are "those" parents.  I told her she can go over there, they just can't hang out in his room.  So she vented to me about all her frustrations and how she didn't feel heard.  So how do I make sure she feels  heard and validated, while still keeping the rule? 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome! We are glad you found us.  It is great she is in therapy and things are better.  Boundaries can be challenging especially with BPD.
Here is a link to boundaries on this website that may help guide you.
https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries
One question to for your consideration is how would you know if she crossed the boundary at the boyfriend's house?  Write back and tell us more as you are able.