Sucked-in and burned again

[nomodrama]

Hi, I have not been on here for 2 months since I have been doing well on no contact.
My older sister is a PWBPD. She was recently taken-off clonazepam klonopin prescribed for anxiety, I am pretty sure she was taking it addictive-ly. She had 3 suicide attempts and countless threats I do not know if this is true or not, that she is off any drugs besides some for thyroids or digestive, it is what she says. Her husband is an opioid addict.  I recently got sucked in by her niceness after 7 weeks no contact since our mom's funeral. She sent me a nice text about inviting me to her house for Christmas. Lots of feuding while mom was in the nursing home. Long story cut short.

My help needed question is how do you not try to connect when someone tries really hard to be nice?

After that first phone call, since then another issue that came up with our moms estate and she rages at me, hangs up and then text a laundry list of grudges towards me, one that I already apologized for. I am in the FOG and heart sick because it became apparent she is either abusing meds still or is just BPD. I cannot stand to be lied to. She blames things she said saying it was my brother who thinks that and tries to paint me black. I am going back to my counselor but I know what she will say to do again: No contact.

The issue is she is comparing me unfairly to our uncle  who estranged himself from his parents (our alcoholic  grandparents) then the whole family but took part of the inheritance anyway. Her reasoning is I did not fly hundred miles away more often when mom was dying. I flew down 6 times in 8 months and Mom lived 15 months in the facility. I have a full time job. She thinks I could have taken family care act leave but I did not have POA so it was pointless and I could not justify it since I am not the primary care giver and she had 24hr care... My parents and I were no estranged, there is no comparison other than she is trying to say me not visiting or helping her enough but taking my inheritance equates to being like the Uncle. I ask why,  please explain since I was a child when the estrangement happened.  She said our brother thinks that because I took the jewelry i was Willed and don't want to talk to the family. Whatever I do or don't do is wrong in her eyes and she thinks she deserves credit for being there for our mom. If I did not exist she still would have had to. Her arguments are about things I could not control. I was not estranged yet the story to her kids and the entire family (according to my brother who has anger issues).
My brother and I made amends because he apologized to me (only after I explained my hurt and said he owed me one).

I cannot apologize for things I had no control over and the name calling (our Uncles name was Gurney and it was a very negative word in my house). I can't give her credit for any of the nice things she did or thank her or whatever it is she thinks I owe her because she was tweaking and letting her homeless friend stay over night in my moms room on her death bed. The facility only knew he was there in the day (which was bad enough but my brother the POA agreed). She also verbally abused our mom while she was in the facility. I let it go but can't really forgive her for that.
I am fully aware that I should not have made contact and mental health-wise I set myself back 2 months and kicking myself for it. I am ruminating and heart sick about her and the situation but still angry for her recent lies and brings back anger from before.  It is a huge circle self care and no contact is the only thing that works but now I have to get back to where I was in my healing. My own sister lies to her adult kids about me and lies to me saying my one niece said things I know she did not. How do I let go being painted-black when I know it is so wrong?  I read about radical acceptance and accepting the unexceptionable but I still wish for a relationship with her- I know it cannot be without risking being hurt. This back and forth, I know it is not going to work. I texted her to call me Thur when she is back from her trip so we can talk about he said she said and let me know about the grudges she has towards me so I can apologize (that I learned about the not helping our mom grudge from our brother), now she is not texting me back so I know she thinks she is punishing me by not texting and I doubt she will be calling. How can I view this better?
How does one make the no contact decision and stick to it? I may be the one who is not being contacted so capitalize on that  and go with it without feeling rejected? If she is the one who estranges me, it won't line-up with her story that I am like our uncle.

[pursuingJoy]

nomodrama, hi!  I have a strained relationship with my sister and my heart goes out to you. You love your sister and hurt for her, you want to see her make better choices. It sounds like you also want a relationship with her, have felt compelled to go no- or low-contact, and now you're wondering if that's the right decision. Am I understanding correctly?

I'm not sure I have much wisdom to offer, but this board is a great place to come to for support. NC is a personal choice and only you can decide whether it's right for you or not.

Keep sharing.
pj