I hate being the savior and the devil in the same day

[Nifty Unicorn]

I have been seeing a therapist for 3 months, and at our session she noticed that some of the things I was describing in my marriage point to BPD in my spouse. I love this man, but I do feel trapped by his needs and explosive behaviors. And I need support. I don’t know who to talk to. I could call a friend, or my Mom, but I don’t know how to be honest without hurting him. I also don’t know how to manage my own stress or pain.

I feel like a dog or doormat because I can’t even write the things I’m feeling in my journal. I’m shaking as I type this. So much fear and anxiety.

This guy is also my business partner. I run the business and he is the face of it. So the financial is wrapped up in it too. I don’t think he wants me to be independent that way! Because it will mean that I am materially independent and I will leave (no longer need him). This isn’t true. I really do love him, but if I can’t change, then I don’t think I will be able to stay indefinitely.

My kids are stressed out. They can’t perform for him. They can’t even eat their dinner when he is there. I hate dinner time.

I want my own bank account. His excessive spending is so hard to control that I can’t take care of my own needs without going into debt. Fixes to my car, dental work, an eye exam and contacts. These are basic needs that I can never seem to assert. I’ve talked myself out of them for years, and for what? So we can accumulate? Move from one obsessive hobby to another? I can’t abide it. I’m so tired of being supportive, the whole time numbing myself to what is actually around me.

I hate being the savior and the devil in the same day, sometimes the same hour.

I’m totally isolated, working from home with a business partner that has no boundaries. He may sleep til 11 or longer, but I’m expected to go go go. And he deflects the tension with humor, telling me I’m the lazy one, but that really hurts. How about a little honesty?

I have been an enabler for a long long long time 13+ years. I’m done now. I’m don’t want to derail him, but what about my slow and steady demise? I feel like the last leaf has fallen from my tree, and I’m dormant.

It’s just such a big problem. I’m drowning in it, and I desperately need a boat, and a paddle.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.