Experience with DBT for your borderline

[reluctanthubs]

Short back story.  I'm DDAY+ 70 from busting my wife's second (that I know of) affair.  Initially I was going to kick her to the curb and destroy her in court but have had a change of heart.  I'm not ruling out eventual divorce but as it stands no D for now.  Married 19 years Affair #1 was in 2002 disclosed 2008, 3 kids 17,13,11.

She is home, the affair is over and she is currently super wife.  As one of my terms of giving her another chance I told her she needed to do DBT.  My wife is a mild borderline but hurts where it counts.

I'm asking for those that have been through DBT if it was successful for you and your partner or if it wasn't and why you think it was/wasn't.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[smart_storm26]

Hi,

So sad to know what you are going through. Now let me ask you a question. Say your wife agrees to go for DBT and shows signs of recovery from her disorder. Will you still be able to live with what she has done to you? If yes, then its worth a shot. If no, then DBT is pointless.

For me cheating is a deal-breaker. But that's my own personal thing.

[reluctanthubs]

Smart,

I'm hoping I can.  You really don't know how you'll react when it happens.  It's not easy by any stretch believe me. 99% of our marital problems stem from her BPD, if DBT can help her there is a chance we can have a better relationship than we've ever had.  We've never been healthy, ok enough but not healthy.