uBPD Father and uBPD Grandmother haven't changed

[Vindsval]

I've felt conflicted about my uBPD Father and uBPD Grandmother (Maternal) my whole life. My mother divorced my father when I was about 4, so I was lucky to not grow up too much around him. My grandmother and the rest of my extended family on my mother's side had raised me for most of my life. My mother was not able to care for me and live with me until my late teens.

My uBPD Father started his own family but I know that he abuses them like he abused my mother and my relatives. I was too young to remember anything, but what I've been told by my mother's side of the family lines up with how I've seen him treat his new family. It disgusts me. He gets pulled over for DUIs with his son in his car and his son is still a young child but already picked up on the fact that his father is an alcoholic. He rages at his stepdaughter and his current wife. He treats everyone poorly except for me and his son. And to this day, almost 16 years after his divorce with my mother, he still tries to smear her and get her number from me to harass her. He hasn't changed since my childhood.

My uBPD grandmother is extremely toxic. Typical queen type borderline. She controlled my late uncle's life and demands constant attention, never takes responsibility for her behaviour, has the rest of our family bending over backwards for her difficult behaviour, engages in gaslighting, verbal abuse, physical abuse, etc. Being raised by her ruined my self-worth for most of my life. I'm still unlearning a lot of the damage she has done to me.

I was diagnosed with BPD, C-PTSD, and some other things recently. I don't know if I'm allowed to post on this board, and if not, I definitely understand. But it's given me conflicted feelings to know that it runs in my family, both paternally and maternally, and that the dysfunctional damage uBPD relatives in my life could cause me to develop these disorders.

I'm also frustrated to know that in both my lifetime and my mother's lifetime, these two have not changed. They've had decades to change, and in the case of my grandmother, a lifetime to change. She's getting old and will likely die within the next 15 years or so, but she has spent it being an emotionally abusive and difficult woman who traumatized 3 generations of our family. Seeing these two in my life gives me little hope and bitterness about my own recovery.

I feel stuck. As someone who was abused by uBPDs and is now at risk for being an abusive pwBPD. I'm scared to start a family of my own in the future because I would never want to have a child who would have to go through anything like this. It destroys you.

[Turkish]

Hi Vindsval,



If you have BPD, yet are looking to heal from a relationship with others with BPD, or to improve communication and reduce conflict, you are welcome here 

Why do you think that he doesn't treat you or his son (your half bother) better?