Meeting with the Psyc didn't go well, or did it?

[Stic68]

We finally got to the Psychiatrist to have a review of my H's Bipolar and his meds. He does not yet have a dx of BPD and though I suggested the Psyc look at some behaviours - blaming, shaming, not able to take responsibility etc - it would seem that he is absolutely fine. So, it's just me, then. Everyone else can see a quietly spoken wonderful man, and not the manipulative, controlling person he has revealed to me in private. Apparently, I'm the histrionic wife! Meanwhile H is controlling $ not allowing me $ to buy food for me and pets and acting like a flatmate. And I'm supposed to be OK with that? After supporting him financially for seven years and hauling back and fro from hospital with BP, now I am awaiting surgery, I have to just dismiss his inability to support me - financially, emotionally, spiritually? But then something suggests to me that the Psyc may have cottoned on because his effort seemed at gaining H's trust and getting him back into therapy. He also focussed on trying to get H to move on from the blame game.  What sort of thing could the Psyc have said that would have encouraged you that the Psyc was getting the full picture? I know, I'm clutching at straws. Meanwhile everyone wants to know when my Psyc appointment is. Ugh.

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[Ozzie101]

I'm sorry, Stic! It must be so frustrating to know there's something wrong and yet feel like you're being discounted/not believed.

Unfortunately, what you describe is pretty common with BPD. They're often able to present a very competent image to others and only reveal their true selves to the ones closest to them. That's part of what can make BPD so difficult to diagnose.

Was the P snowed? Or is he playing the long game? I don't know. You might have to give it some time and see how it starts to play out. Does he have any experience dealing with BPD or other PDs?

As for you, one of your last posts mentioned reaching out for help but people were out until Jan. 20. Have you reached out again? The controlling of money is a form of abuse and I hope you can get some professional counseling about that. Did you ever hook up with that BPD support group?

[pursuingJoy]

Stic68, thanks for the update on the psych appointment. I know that BPD can be difficult to diagnose, misdiagnosed, or not diagnosed at all. Like Ozzie pointed out, it could be that the Psych is in this for the long haul and knows your H isn't ready yet. Diagnosis or not, your H exhibits some hurtful behavior.

I read through your previous posts to catch up and I noticed a trend. You frequently comment that you're being painted by him as histrionic or needing a psych evaluation yourself. People with personality disorders use projection to shift the attention and blame off of themselves. Is it possible that he is projecting his feelings onto you?

The other reason I bring up what I'm seeing is because the most effective way to combat feeling crazy is to seek support and therapy. I'll never forget a screaming fight with my ex where he yelled, "You need psychological help!" He meant it as an insult. It was a way to bully and scare me. I called him on it. I called a therapist.

I spilled my coffee five times in the first session, I was so nervous. But a few weeks in, I realized it was my place to recover. My world started righting itself. I was on solid ground, I didn't feel upside down.

We're here for you, and it sounds like you have some great friends. What other support mechanisms do you have in place? Ozzie mentioned a BPD support group and a DV counselor. Are you in therapy, or have you considered it?

Thinking of you!
pj