Recovering from the aftermath of BPD when moving on...

[iluminati]

It's been 10 years since I've first showed on these boards.  I've learned a lot, served as an ambassador, split up with my exwBPD, and moved on with my life.  Yet one incident this weekend set me back to those dark days.

Here's the background.  My D10 is tuning out in class.  Despite doing well on exams and on state tests, my daughter's school is contemplating leaving her back.  To fight this, my daughter's school and I (upon advice from mental health pros) agreed to have a special education evaluation.  My daughter did well on the learning skills part.  In fact, she did well enough to the point where the psychologist doing it asked me point blank "what is she doing here?"  The problems arose when I did my daughter's social history with a social worker.

During said social history, I was asked if there was a history of mental illness in either of my families.  While there isn't much of one on my side, there's my exwBPD history of mental illness, along with her father and grandmother.  I mentioned the ER visits and the hospitalizations.  A week later, a copy of the social history was sent to me, and I forwarded it on to my exwBPD. 

And that's when I got hit with the Oh Shoot Effect.

She called me, and asked me first about the next steps of the special education process.  I told her about what was going on, and what to expect.  Then she brought up the social history and the ER visits.  The social history exaggerated slightly with the ER visits (I said 10-15, while the social history said 15+), but was otherwise accurate.  She told me that all of those ER visits were for fibroids, and how dare I say anything otherwise.  I said repeatedly that I wasn't discussing that, I wasn't going to relitigate the past, and if we could move on.

Afterwards, I was seething at being gaslit.  I knew how often I was in those ERs for mental health crises, overdoses and all the trips to the mental hospital.  I leaned on my support network, but I was PISSED. 

So, has any had to deal with the experience of being gaslit over mental health treatment you know has occured?  And how did you deal with it?

[PeteWitsend]

I haven't been gaslit over that particular issue, but my uBPDxw recently started adding "editorials" to our otherwise routine communications about our kids' schedules, and alleging I "stole" money from her during our divorce. 

What money, how much, and why she didn't bring this up during the divorce if she knew about it are all questions I don't bother asking. 

I just focus on exchanging the information I need to share or receive, and ignore everything else she says.  Sometimes it's easier said than done, but I remind myself of some advice I receive from a family member who went through a similar nasty divorce: don't engage as that's what they want; staying silent is more upsetting to disordered people than arguing with them or getting upset with them. 

[Lucky Jim]

Hey illuminati, I suggest you stand in your truth.  You know what happened.  It's unlikely your Ex will change her mind about "her" version of events.  Don't JADE.  You are aware that she's gaslighting you, which means you need not accept her altered reality.  I'm sorry to hear about the impact on your D10.  It sounds like your D is suffering, at least to some extent.  Suggest you treat your D with love and compassion and, in the meantime, don't buy into your Ex's revisionist history.

LuckyJim