I broke contact and made it worse. Need advise.

[Carguy]

Okay group, Here's the situation. My ex uBPD of 4 years is keeping a couple of her vehicles on my property. Last Summer we had kittens and she wanted to keep a couple for her and her kids. They are still there as well since she lives in an apartment that she can't have them at.

A few weeks ago. I messaged her one day and told her that I still cared about her. I was still there for her. The next day I text her and asked if I could send her an open-hearted message. Both of them got no response, which is the first time she has Not responded. I took it she did not want to talk so I didn't text anymore.

This morning I went out to feed the kitties and smelled something dead in my yard. I text her later this morning and told her that I smelled something dead and wasn't sure if it was a kitty. I told her I seen the one kitty that was her kids, but I will take a count of the others and let her know. She didn't even respond to this. She told me in the past if it's anything about the kitties or her stuff to let her know. At this point I was wondering if she is just ignoring it or if she is not getting the messages.

 At lunch I stop by her apartment to see if she even wanted me to keep her updated on those things and immediately she started accusing me of using it for an excuse to come over and re-engage her and asked me what all the past messages have been about referring to the relationship and accuse me of this being a manipulation tactic to talk to her and I was getting my way again and Etc.

 I told her I did not wish to pursue a relationship with her because It is obvious that she has made up her mind. I don't believe she believed this. She pointed back to a couple of weeks ago when I text her about it. I told her after I did not get a Response to those I assumed she didn't want anything more. So I didn't bother. I told her I believe this relationship has been unhealthy for both of us and I am moving on with my life and she told me we did not need to talk about this any further. I told Her she's right that we didn't. She told me that if one of her kitties are sick or are dead to let her know then but not until I am sure. I told her okay, that's all I need to know I left.

At this point I'm upset. I know she has painted me very black and this made matters worse. I realize I need to just cut all contact and stay completely away from her at this point.

My question is concerning her stuff and her cats. In the past when we went apart and she upset me, I would tell her she needed to get her Vehicles off my property. She did remove one at one point and then because of circumstances she needed to bring it back to my property and I told her that was fine. A while back after she split me black she asked me if it was still okay, or if she needed to find another place for them. I told her I would keep my word. I wanted to prove to her that I would be reliable and let her keep them there and keep my word. At this point though, she will not communicate with me and cannot even be decent. There is absolutely no friendship there at this point and by her choice no chance of a relationship. Do I tell her to please remove her vehicles and if she wants her cats to take them or I will find them new homes? I know this move would probably paint me black forever. I'm not sure if her keeping stuff there is her way of keeping control over me or an attachment to me though in the same turn.  I know that I am also looking at this through upset and anger. It could even be my way of hurting back because I've been hurt.  A big part of me feels like why should I keep her stuff and help her that she can't even be decent to me?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[once removed]

I'm not sure if her keeping stuff there is her way of keeping control over me or an attachment to me though in the same turn.

the hard question i think, is whether offering your services is a way for you (never mind her) to maintain an attachment.

heres the thing: with your goal of getting back together in mind, this is not a strategy to win someone back, its a strategy to be taken advantage of.

[Carguy]

Good point. I didn't think of it this way. But now that you point it out, inside of me I do want to keep contact but getting hurt is hard. I do miss being able to talk to her and share my world with her.

 So my thought on this is should I just leave her completely alone and not bother texting about her stuff or her cats or even worry about any of it? Her vehicles are not really in my way and her two cats just roam around with my cats and really aren't a big problem.

[Carguy]

I've been thinking some more about today's events and would like opinions on this. The one thing she accused me of was sending the text about the cats to manipulate her into talking to me. She has accused me a lot in the past of being manipulative and this always makes me feel terrible about myself and question who I am. It makes me feel like I am a horrible person. This is how she made me feel again today about myself.

I will admit that I do miss having her in my life to share my world with. So many things I have missed sharing with her the last few months. Yes, I would love to be able to talk to her again without her hostility. Today by texting her about the kitties there was the hope in me that we could have communication again. I always have had that hope. I was kind of reaching out to her when I text her about the kitties. I did not talk about relationships or anything. Just informed her about the kitties. Honestly I Was just expecting her to say okay, or thanks, Let me know.  A few months ago I text her with a concern about one of them and she told me Thanks, and to let her know. If she had responded with either one of those responses I would have been fine with that not question whether she got the text or if she even wanted me to let her know any more about them. Is reaching out to her (even if it's to keep her in the loop of a concern about the kitties) manipulative? Or is what she is doing to me gaslighting?

At this point I have decided it is in my best interest for my mental and emotional state to go no contact for a while.