First post

[BPD25guy]

After 25 years married to my wife who has been diagnosed with BPD (which was an enormous relief),she refused to admit she has any problem, and everything is my fault, which she constantly tells friends and neighbors about the terrible things I am doing. I have hung on for all these years and finally got my children out and doing well, which has lead me to a cross road as I do not think I can do this any longer, but I do not believe in divorce. Having read as much as I can about this disorder I believe there must be others who have been through similar circumstances. She is currently MIA having taken out camper and disappeared after telling our friends she hired a private detective who reported I was having an affair (of course its not true). Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[BeardedRadical]

Hey BPD25guy,

First, I'll say that you're a trooper. Hanging in for 25 years? That requires some strength, dedication, and most of all, compassion. I hope that you recognize that 99% of this entirely NOT your fault.

Second, take what I say with a grain of salt. My pwBPD is my gf/partner of roughly 2 years, no children. However, if you haven't already, I would recommend reading the book "Walking on Eggshells." I remember reading some examples in that book that sound a lot like what you're describing.

I think the best you can do is take care of yourself and your children. Approach your wife with love and understanding. That doesn't mean you allow her to hurt you or your kids. Being a constant, nonjudgemental rock is the best support you can give her. It sounds like she's in the process of discarding you and portraying you as a bad person to others, which is to be expected. Just hang in there. Again, congratulations on getting your children and yourself out of the situation. Now, with space, hopefully you can better your family AND begin to find ways to help your wife.

There are hopefully others here who will have better advice than I can give. Best of luck with everything, and hang in there.

Best regards,

-BeardedRadical