My siblings with BPD treat me with contempt NC cannot come soon enough Part 2

[zachira]

Mod Note:  Part 1 of this thread is here:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=343397.0;all

JNChell
"Hey, zachira. RA is a process under the umbrella of our unique way of trying to heal. It takes time. Harri once reminded me that what was done to me took a long time and it won’t be undone in a short amount of time, so be easy on yourself. Grounding, in my experience, involves not beating ourselves up for having the feelings that are associated with narcissistic abuse. It was awful and terrifying and it’s ok to feel that way about it. It is what it is.

Patterns are very present within a lot of the conversations here. It’s easy to focus on the patterns of those that are causing us pain and this is important to recognize while moving forward. At the same time, I had to recognize my own patterns within the dynamic/s that I was feeling bad about.

My parents died 10 years ago and my sister and I somehow easily removed ourselves from the rest of the family. To be honest, I don’t know if the whole family dynamic is toxic, but I will not be going back to see if it is or not. I’ve moved on in that aspect. It sounds like you still have a large family unit that, for lack of better words, scares and upsets you. Always remember to think about yourself and do the things that make you feel good"

I am trying to remember all these things. I think we often associate how badly we feel when our FOO gets to us as our feelings when really we are taking on the feelings of our FOO. Naturally, it feels terrible to be the target of cruel behaviors, yet when we are more grounded and centered in who we are we take on less of the negativity of our FOO. I am glad you have been able to go NC with your family. I never thought I would think of going NC yet I am so tired of all the ways my siblings work behind my back to smear me. I just feel so much happier when I get honest constructive feedback that has not been tainted by interactions with my FOO. Thank you for your understanding and support. RA is indeed  a long journey and we never know what will finally get us there.

[TelHill]

Sorry for replying so often here. It resonates with me to accept my FOO as they are with compassion. Practicing self-care and self-love are so important. I am looking at handling each day as it comes.

Attending my niece’s wedding is making me nervous. Am used to being hurt at events with family. I’m slowing my thinking down not to catastrophize a future event, mind read or ruminate. 

[zachira]

Telhill,
No reason to apologize. You are really helpful and thoughful in your replies. I think I can probably understand how you feel about the wedding. Last summer, I had to attend my mother with BPD's memorial service, and some of the dirty looks I got from relatives were uncomfortable. At the same, there were younger members of the family who showed maturity and compassion unlike the older generation, did not allow me to sit alone during the service, and invited me to hang out with them at the post family gathering. You never know who will show that they are above all the family gossip and find out on their own who is who. I hope you will find some nice people to interact with at the wedding. I respect you for going.