uBPD Mom is ghosting me during COVID

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi all. I am having a hard time today.
My uBPD Mom hung up on me 2 weeks ago after a conversation we typically have - she wants help to move but is a chronic canceler of plans and has, for over a year, failed to do anything I have asked her to in order to prepare to have a conversation about it. I got frustrated and told her I wanted them to get their $hit together, and she hung up on me. My boundary around that is to not call until she calls me, even if I slip up like I did and trigger her, but she didn’t call. Today I get it was right to call them to check in to see if they needed anything regarding COVID and if they were OK. No answer. No call back. She is a shut in, and she is not away unless she is in the hospital. She always calls back. I feel like she is using this pandemic to inflict even more painful manipulation on me. Mainly because my upbringing had aspects of Munchausens-by-proxy and she convinced me early on that she was the only one who could take care of me (not even myself).

Hurting today.

[Recycle]

Hi all. I am having a hard time today.
My uBPD Mom hung up on me 2 weeks ago after a conversation we typically have - she wants help to move but is a chronic canceler of plans and has, for over a year, failed to do anything I have asked her to in order to prepare to have a conversation about it. I got frustrated and told her I wanted them to get their $hit together, and she hung up on me. My boundary around that is to not call until she calls me, even if I slip up like I did and trigger her, but she didn’t call. Today I get it was right to call them to check in to see if they needed anything regarding COVID and if they were OK. No answer. No call back. She is a shut in, and she is not away unless she is in the hospital. She always calls back. I feel like she is using this pandemic to inflict even more painful manipulation on me. Mainly because my upbringing had aspects of Munchausens-by-proxy and she convinced me early on that she was the only one who could take care of me (not even myself).

Hurting today.

[Panda39]

Hi Recycle,

I can understand your stress, have you considered having the police do a wellness check on her?  That might at least put your mind at ease.

Panda39

[TelHill]

Hello recycle,

I know this must be concerning and stressful. Another suggestion for a check on her is a friend. A landlord/manager if she rents or a rep of the HOA may work. That’s a softer approach. If she’s a lone wolf, then a police welfare check is a great idea. Let us know how it goes.

[Methuen]

I get it was right to call them to check in to see if they needed anything regarding COVID and if they were OK. No answer. No call back. She is a shut in, and she is not away unless she is in the hospital. She always calls back. I feel like she is using this pandemic to inflict even more painful manipulation on me.

Let her.  You can't control what she is going to do.  You can only control how you respond to it.

You made the call.  The ball is now in her court.  If she wants to play the silent treatment game, that is her choice.  She gets to make that choice, you get to decide how you are going to respond to it.

I like this link about radical acceptance.  Once I RA'd my uBPD mom for her true self (and not the mom I wanted her to be), I started to heal and get a sense of control back.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=90041.0