I also had a quiet bpd ex

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Mod note: This post was split from the following thread as it merited its own discussion: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=342623.0

I also had a quiet bpd ex. I remember the exact moment i triggered her and her scared look on her face. After that she treated me with respect as a stranger. She said she forgave me but the relationship was over and her mimd was made. We used to see each other everyday and she was loving and caring. I After the discard i couldnt eat or sleep it left me totally shocked.

[Martin 123]

Mod note: This post was split from the following thread as it merited its own discussion: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=342623.0

I also had a quiet bpd ex. I remember the exact moment i triggered her and her scared look on her face. After that she treated me with respect as a stranger. She said she forgave me but the relationship was over and her mimd was made. We used to see each other everyday and she was loving and caring. I After the discard i couldnt eat or sleep it left me totally shocked.

[blue6314]

Sorry to hear this. I can say, don’t take it personally. I’m not a psychologist, but I think these people are so wrapped up in illness they just cannot act caring and Norma. It’s all about them. And, notably, they don’t treat themselves well, either.

I dated a woman who I believe was quiet BPD. She would argue intensely with me, then on her own later turn her thoughts inward and experience shame and blame. She cheated, lied, ghosted, self-abused. When we broke up, she moved in with another guy within a month and totally blocked me.

I personally think we have to recognize that we miss the person, but we do not want to be with them. We have to ultimately forgive them and ourselves in order to move forward.

Did your bf have other dysfunctions, by the way?

[gman29]

As other people have noted, Quiet BPDs can hurt the must, as their dysfunction is so undercover that it may be impossible to notice. Their inner pain is hidden from the outside world, and they hide away their resentment and discontent for you until it builds up insidiously. And then, it gets released and we're left there confused, trying to put together the pieces of what happened. I'll share with you some of my story as i'm sure many can relate. Me and my ex uBPD had a phone argument, and she literally turned into a different person towards me overnight. I literally could do no right, couldn't talk to her right, couldn't look at her right, all of a sudden she had a long list of things that I did wrong. I'll never forget the dead look in her eyes and the dead silence as I tried to reason with her, as if any type of logic could not get through to her in her current state of emotional dysfunction. I literally thought i was speaking to a different person, did an alien take over her body? That's how bad it was. But the sad part is, she seemed to be fine before that when she was more emotionally stable. So we crave and grasp at trying to get them back to their original state, but no luck, this is their new reality no matter how long or deep the relationship is.

[clvrnn]

Me and my ex uBPD had a phone argument, and she literally turned into a different person towards me overnight. I literally could do no right, couldn't talk to her right, couldn't look at her right, all of a sudden she had a long list of things that I did wrong. I'll never forget the dead look in her eyes and the dead silence as I tried to reason with her, as if any type of logic could not get through to her in her current state of emotional dysfunction. I literally thought i was speaking to a different person, did an alien take over her body?

I went through something identical. Our last phone call was around an hour long, in which she just listed everything she thought was wrong with me, and any response I gave (which ranged from talking engaging, saying "I understand how you feel", and then reduced to "OK") was wrong, and only seemed to make her angrier. She then hung up and blocked me, mid-sentence.

This wasn't an argument, but a rant. I haven't heard from her again. We went to uni together, and she just avoided me completely - although I noticed that she often looked very withdrawn and sad in class, almost remorseful/ashamed of her behaviour and treatment of me (or maybe that's what I wanted it to be). Either way, I haven't heard from her, and she has me blocked everywhere.

From reading this thread, it does seem that this is a highly common pattern of behaviour at the end of relationships with pwBPD - I personally just put it down to shame/guilt, as someone above mentioned. Doesn't make it any less hurtful, though.