Hi weweresomething

,

I'd like to welcome you to the group. I'm sorry for the circumstances that led you to our site here but you'll find a lot of people that can relate with you and offer you guidance and support.
I am just learning about bpd, currently reading "stop walking on eggshells" - it's a hard read as it is so eye opening.
I agree it's a lot to digest and it really pulls at the heartstrings especially when we're going through some rough periods in a r/s. I'd suggest to digest it slowly because it's a lot all at once - you may find yourself self reflect on different things and thinking it over several times over a period of time until you process it and doing that for each instance or behaviour or trait. It's a process it takes time but you'll find that it will give you the tools to heal when you read about.
It sounds like he doesn't change or doesn't think that the issue is with him and it's sad to hear that when you're in a r/s because you both want to work on it but sometimes that's not possible so the responsibility for that will be left on the emotionally stable partner - so the change that you want to see in the r/s has to come from you.