BPD and different lifestyles

[Melissinde]

Hey all 

I am anticipated a future problem and I'd like to have some advice about it, I wonder if someone has gone through something similar.

With my uBPDbf we are planning on buying a van and converting it to live in it full time for a time, while travelling around Europe, stopping here and there to participate in alternative projects once in a while.
My boyfriend is very excited about this project and so am I, but I'm a little bit worried: he's a musician and he's been planning to do busking for a while but never dared to, he's been to afraid to give it a go so far. He certainly has a sense of wanderlust and adventure, at the same time he has a massive need for security and gets stressed out easily.

Has anyone been confronted to this kind of situation? Do anyone has any tips to make sure it goes well?

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[Vincenta]

Dear Melissende,

I read your first post and - First of all - so sorry to hear about your recent loss of your mother. 

Now, as also stated in your previous post: you mentioned that your boyfriend  recently got violent and pushed you.
That is a very red flag, dear Melissende.

I used to travel a lot with my exDBPDbf of 6 years. As you might know by now, the emotions of BPD persons typically fluctuate fast from ‘love’ to ‘hate’ and anything in between. My experience is that as soon it got really nice, intimate and close, my exDBPDbf just got very triggered, had to spoil it, raged - sometimes got even violent.

Examples:
France/ Corse: lovely place, lovely time till the last eve when he ( without any apparent reason) pushed me, I fell - was in pain, 2 weeks later doc and x-rays confirmed a broken bone under my knee.

Uruguay: after a fantastic 4 weeks South- American tour, he just flipped  one night without any reason either, pushed me suddenly around, telling that ‘ if you Vincenta disappear here, nowone would ever know what happened to you...etc’ . - I escaped to the second floor of the luxurious house there, locked the doors, and tried to google the number of Uruguay’s police, and tried to memorized the exact address of the house we were staying...- I felt like being a part of a bad horror movie, my bf turned out to be suddenly the devil/ zombie..,.

France/ Bretagne: spent so many lovely vacations there, love the area, language, food ... last time with my exDBPDbf there, during an nonsense argue, he took a chair ( luckily a bamboo one) and on purpose? Or accidentally? hit my head. - I was in a shock, our dogs were in shock afraid and hiding in bathroom. A lot of blood, I knew that stiches were needed, so asked him to call ambulance... he did it, but arrival of ambulance took almost an hour (countryside!). French police came too, but I did not make accusions ( which I now regret). Anyway, the lovely 4 weeks vacation ended up with one night in a hospital. 10 stiches in my head, traumatized dogs ( I was also traumatized of course, too ,but perhaps not really even understanding it that time).

Sorry for these hard stories - but they are true. And I could provide many more - and I have excluded the parts of the emotional violence ( plenty). I care  :hug:for you and would like you to pay attention on the red flags of your relationship,

Melissende, you have been going through some extremely sad  times recently . You still are, with your grandmom, and at the same time grieving for your Mom. Do you friends and relatives who are supporting you through this difficult time?

Moreover, I live also here in Central Europe, the corona situation is changing constantly, the damn virus is still very much there... definitely not a time for any happy hippy European Tournee as the situation changes from one day to another.  Perhaps next year, when the vaccination might be there.

Take very good care of you!
Big hug,
Vincenta

[Vincenta]

Oh, and about the Wanderlust: according to the BPD studies I have read, yes - could be typical... Since BPDs typically do not really have the sense of their real ‘’ self , therefore there might be constant seeking for a new purpose to fulfill the void: a new place, new job, new interest, new hobby, new partner etc.

My exDBPDbf even said that he could not stand working for one company ( because of the co- workers) more than max a year, since too much getting on his nerves etc ..,luckily he created his own consulting where he is actually extremely successful and wanted...for a limited time... he also wanted to move around very often, e.g, completely unrealistic dreams like leaving everything ( and everyone incl, his 2 kids) behind and just to move with me to BA. Argentina! Without perfect Spanish etc.