Hello

[Scienceteacher12]

This is my first time doing something like this although I'm not a stranger to talking about my feelings. I guess I am here because my therapist says that joining an online support group could help me understand how my former partners personality has eroded our relationship. I dont blame him completely but I do feel that as much as I would have loved to work on us, no matter what i did to try to fix the situation, it didnt seem to help over all. I was blamed for things that i know that weren't totally on me and although i know the breakdown in our relationship is also partly my fault, I just mentally and physically needed a break. I couldn't wait for the next major eruption to happen. I dont know, I'm rambling. I dont know what to say next.

[DiscoDave]

Hello Scienceteacher12,

Welcome, I don't think you were rambling at all. I think what you said resonated with me (and I'm sure others) in a succinct way. I think your therapists advice is good to expose you to a group of people with similar stories, it's certainly been helping me not feel alone in all this.

I to have awful feelings of self-blame at the end of my relationship, full of 'if only's'. The reality is no matter how good we are and how much we sacrifice we cannot fulfil their insatiable needs, falling short of that should be no bad reflection on those of us who 'failed' to provide that. I totally get the need for a mental and physical break. For the last year or so of our relationship I'd absorbed too much toxicity, I just began to tune-out of her issues, became more emotionally distant, naively hoping she might just begin resolving issues for herself. Instead she began engaging emotionally with other men and called it off between us.

Perhaps you might want to talk about where you feel you are at fault in all this?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Scienceteacher12,  Fill us in a little, when you can.  What makes you think your former partner suffers from BPD?  How long were you together?  What as the impetus for your b/u?  Agree with your T: we can help you work through the end of your r/s.  Step 1: Don't beat yourself up!  It's doubtful that anything you did or didn't do would have changed the outcome.

LuckyJim