Just joined

[Samzmom733]

Hey there!

My first post. My 63 year old sister was just diagnosed with bpd. I have been considering cutting her out of my life. I’ve maintained our relationship for my mother’s sake. Yet my mother just passed on. I am not sure how much to proceed. I’m tired of being the bad guy and I’m tired of being verbally abused. Looking for support and any suggestions.

Thanks!

[zachira]

You have come to the right place. Many members have siblings with BPD. I have a brother with BPD and a sister with NPD. My mother with BPD passed away last summer. So many of us on this site struggle with what to do about a sibling with BPD and ask ourselves questions similar to yours: What kind of contact to have with the sibling with BPD, if any at all. The first step is usually to set boundaries with the sibling including the kind and amount of contact, in addition to what kind of behaviors will terminate any kind of contact, whether it is a phone conversation, in person contact, text, etc.,
After my mother died las summer, the abuse from my siblings has continued to increase. Do you see any changes in your sister's behaviors since your mother died?
I extend my condolescenes on your mother's death. I also want you to know how much I understand how it hurts to be verbally abused by a sibling.
There are other members here to support and listen to you in similar circumstances to yours with a sibling with BPD. We are here to help in any ways we can.

[JNChell]

I’m sorry about the passing of your mother. How are you feeling about that?

I’d like to echo zachira in saying that you’ve found a good place to talk about the things that you have on your plate.

Would you like to maintain a relationship with your sister, or would you like to put some space between the two of you? BPD is a very difficult condition to have a relationship with. It is possible, but it will take work on your part. At the same time, you should not feel obligated to stay in contact with her. This is up to you. We’re here to listen and help in any way that we can.

Hopefully this can provide you with a little comfort. pwBPD lash out because they can’t process or handle their emotions. Please don’t take your sister’s attacks personally. Her outrages are about her. That doesn’t mean that you should tolerate them, but sometimes it helps to understand. Whatever you decide to do, you have found a good community. There are tools that can help you whichever way you decide.

My parents had personality issues. They were very abusive people. Talking about that here has been a big help for me. Do you feel like sharing more about your relationship with your sister?