Recommend parallel parenting app when divorcing a spouse with BP traits?

[UnDoormatting]

Q: Please share your insights with any parallel parenting app, where co-parenting is realistically not a feasible option, because one spouse has borderline personality traits?
I filed for separation and COVID struck, dragging out the march toward mediation and exacerbating my borderline personality trait wife's many triggers. I went "no contact" to emotionally protect myself after moving out of the family home. Our lawyers are frustrated with her frequent demands, requests, non-compliance, etc and my attorney suggested we use a parallel parenting app like "OurFamilyWizzard" or "Talking Parents".

[alleyesonme]

Q: Please share your insights with any parallel parenting app, where co-parenting is realistically not a feasible option, because one spouse has borderline personality traits?
I filed for separation and COVID struck, dragging out the march toward mediation and exacerbating my borderline personality trait wife's many triggers. I went "no contact" to emotionally protect myself after moving out of the family home. Our lawyers are frustrated with her frequent demands, requests, non-compliance, etc and my attorney suggested we use a parallel parenting app like "OurFamilyWizzard" or "Talking Parents".

AppClose is another one you may check out. I believe it's free to use, and is similar to the two that you mentioned.

[worriedStepmom]

We have used TalkingParents for the last year, and I really like it.  Unlike OurFamilyWizard, it does not have any way to track expenses and receipts.  TalkingParents is solely for communication and a calendar.

TalkingParents is free, or you can pay a small fee to subscribe and get unlimited PDFs of the chats.

It's set up like a discussion forum, where either party can start a topic and then both can post on that topic.  H's uBPDex often treats it like texting and will switch topics or rant under a single post.

Forcing all communication to go through a parenting app has been very useful.  It's good documentation.  It's easy to search.  You cannot edit or delete any post after it's been submitted, so it's a good paper trail.  It has a timestamp to show you when the other party read the message (or if they haven't read it yet), which helped soothe some of uBPDex's anxiety (H wasn't ignoring her, he just hadn't seen it yet) and made it impossible for uBPDex to say "you didn't tell me that".

It did not stop the rants.  uBPDex was perfectly comfortable spewing all kinds of hateful things on the app, just like she did in texts.  The good thing is that now we only have to log in every other day to see them and not get the constant text pings.

I highly recommend a parenting app.

[livednlearned]

I went "no contact" to emotionally protect myself after moving out of the family home.

Right after separation is so rough. I'm sorry you're going through this.

You doing ok?

[The awful Aunty]

We use OFW and for me it has been great Children’s BPD mum isn’t a fan and regularity lets me know she thinks it’s ridiculous.

For me OFW Gives me the pause I need in communicating with children’s BPD mum. It ensures I am able to read messages when it suits me and then answer when I’ve had time to think.  I regularly  write a reply and save to drafts for a while and find a lot of the time I don’t end up sending. 

Children’s BPD mum can see I’ve read message and if it’s a rant sometimes that enough for her and sometimes writing a reply and not sending is what I need. 

It has made me less reactive in my replies and overtime has given me some degree of peace.  I turn off notifications when children are with me or I’m working.

I use the calendar to notify of events and the trade swap For changes to schedule if needed. Both of which allow you to see if other party has seen the notification.

I post expenses so children’s BPD mum has opportunity to contribute if she chooses. 

I have accepted that sharing care with children’s BPD Mum is just bloody hard but the tools in this app have helped me set and keep the boundaries I need.

Good luck