Newbie and Terrified

[sephirathome]

My oldest child has been diagnosed with borderline. There is a tremendous amount of contradictory information about this disorder out there. I've seen the behaviors in people around me before, but have never been close enough for long enough to understand how to manage it like I will have to do with the child I have who is an adult, but who cannot function in this very hard world. This week, I think he's taken a hard turn to hating me, while needing me, and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, and there's no one around me who really, truly understands or wants to know about this. Discussing his behavior and how it affects me makes them uncomfortable. So I'm mainly keeping myself to myself while I try hard to learn how to manage this. It does not help that I am coming from a place of my own flaws and trying to navigate myself. I feel like I have a full time job at a workplace, a full time job keeping up a house, a full time job managing my own malfunctioning brain, a full time job managing another teen with issues, and now several full time jobs managing what feels like a time bomb until anything or nothing I do or say sets him off. I'm exhausted. My soul is threadbare.

I will wander the site and read, but I felt I should introduce myself, too. So hello, everyone. I'm sephirathome.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[outrageous]

Hi Newbie and Terrified:

I am a newbie as well.  And I can very much empathize with you.  My adult daughter, who has cancer, has also had her BPD go crazy.  We have always been very close and now she won't even talk to me. Her step-father and I have been there since the pandemic began and she couldn't get any medical help until she cut us off abruptly a few weeks ago.  I still can't figure out why.  She had her successful surgery, but then her cat died and her husband had a heart attack the very next week.  I think it was too much for her and the flood gates just opened.  At any rate we are now not allowed to see our 3-year-old granddaughter.  And she has screamed and yelled hateful, very hurtful things at us. It is very difficult to deal with. I don't even know if she still wants us to have our granddaughter the week of her radiation or not as she won't return our calls or texts about it.  What can one do?

Take a look at "Insight Timer" It has thousands of free meditations and music for sending you off to sleep. And it's a free app.  It has been helping me.  Take good care of yourself.  I walk almost every day.  Today I took a long walk in the state forest near us.  I always feel better afterwards.  And, also, set boundaries.  We told my daughter we would not scream and yell hateful things at her and we expected the same respect from her. If she starts yelling and screaming, ie: losing control, we will say "Please stop yelling."  If she doesn't we reserve the right to say good-by and leave or hang up.  We will see how it works.  She has refused to even speak to us yet. However, it feels good to have boundaries in place ready to go. Also, perhaps try going to counseling.  I haven't started yet but I do have an appointment in place.

And,, please know, you are not alone!  I know it feels like it, but you are not. I will keep you in my prayers. 

All the best to you.,
outrageous