Just ... looking for support

[Perseverance4]

I am a middle aged professional whose kids are grown. I have been married to my wife for about 12 years. I have affection and concern for her.

I feel like I know what's going on in life...  balanced, consistent, stable, steady.

And this woman, whom I have built a life around, and who I really care for, was diagnosed with BPD formally about 5-6 years ago, displaying all the features before then: anger, b/w thinking, volatility, suicidality, relationship instability.

I am exhausted, anxious about her reactions, and just destabilized ...  sometimes.  It's hard to ...  feel comfortable about the future sometimes when her emotions - and sometimes her commitment to the relationship - are all over the place.

I am trying. But this feels so hard some days. I think that I accept that with BPD there are a lot of volatile and chaotic emotions - a lot of extremes. So I try to take a long view and try to not overreact to the noise. But sometimes when she says things like she hates us, or doesn't want to be married, or views the last 13 years as a mistake, or calls me and other family members names, it really hurts.

Does anyone have experience with this tens of years...   We're in counseling...  workbooks... positive experiences with any pharma?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.