New here and uBPD MIL

[LuLuLife]

Not sure if I am doing this right.  I am going to follow someone else's format and get into my struggle.

What is the type of relationship? 
My soon to be 89 year old mother in law and my husband is her only child.

What is the status of the relationship? 
I distance myself as much as I can for self-preservation.

How is the current status working for you?
It works out for me but it creates some stress because I see the struggle my husband has and always had.  He is an only child.  She has been verbally abusive towards him for almost all of his 54 years. 

What is the top challenge you face with your loved one?
I feel bad for her because she is almost 89 and has uBPD.  She believes something is wrong with everyone else and the world but she is perfect.  So I guess she has some narcissistic traits mixed in.  She has made threats towards my husband.  Today she threatened to call the County where we live and tell them that he does nothing for her.  He works full time (a very stressful job) and goes out of his way for her.  There are times when she superficially acts grateful but it is almost always short lived and followed up with snide remarks.

What do you struggle with yourself?
I struggle sometimes with the fact that she is almost 89.  She has basically alienated the rest of her family and people who had the potential to be friends but she had to say insulting things to them and acted like the people who cut her off were weak.  She would like nothing more than to move in with us and tells my husband that she would be happy if she lived with us.  We have tried this in the past and it hasn't worked out.  She steals from me.  Snoops through everything.  She created a great divide between me and an older cousin because she concocted stories about me that somehow my cousin believed.  And she drove a wedge between my husband, our accountant and myself because of more stories that she created.  After several years, my cousin and our accountant realized it was my MIL the whole time as she couldn't maintain appropriate boundaries with them.
Despite all that I wrote, I am a kind, considerate and forgiving person.  And I think she knows this and tries to prey on it. 
I am glad I found this site and have been reading posts which help. 
Thanks!

[GeekyGirl]

Hi LuluLife,

Welcome! I'm glad you found this site, and it sounds like you've already learned a few things here.  From what I can see, you are doing fine navigating the site.

I know it can be very frustrating and hurtful when a family member is verbally abusive. It also sounds like your MIL has some issues respecting boundaries. It's understandable that you would like some privacy. What would you ideally like to happen from here? Are you and your husband on the same page?

-GG

[Kwamina]

Hi LuLuLife

I would like to join GeekyGirl in welcoming you to our online community

Dealing with an uBPD in-law, comes with a particular set of challenges. How does your husband view his mother's behavior and the way she treats him (and you)? Does your husband also acknowledge/believe that she has (u)BPD?

You mostly distance yourself from her to protect yourself, yet you do still find yourself dealing with stress as a result of how her behavior affects your husband. Have you perhaps found ways to help you alleviate your stress, albeit temporarily? What do you do to practice self-care?

Take care

The Board Parrot