First Post: Does the projection ever go away?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I'm a new member, and this is my first post. I've recently come to accept that my wife likely has what I've been told is "quiet" BPD. Despite being aware of the symptoms/problems for a long time (15+ years), I resisted this conclusion. I grew up with a violent, raging mother with BPD. I'm still somewhat astounded that I ended up with BPDish problems in my marriage despite thinking that my eyes were wide open after years of therapy.

The most painful problem for me by far is my wife's projection of her emotions onto to me. Seemingly no matter what I do, my wife is convinced that I "hate" her or am angry with her. The last few weeks have been extreme. I've been pouring myself into helping her with medical issues and recovery from surgery, and I'm met with her in bed telling me "I have all these great friends wishing me well, so why do you hate me?" It's crushing.

We're trying to figure out how to start some couples work (but my wife is resisting). I'm hoping that some outside help can address the projection issue. My real question is does the projection ever go away? Or do I have to figure out how to accept it?

[Hippo3000]

I'm a new member, and this is my first post. I've recently come to accept that my wife likely has what I've been told is "quiet" BPD. Despite being aware of the symptoms/problems for a long time (15+ years), I resisted this conclusion. I grew up with a violent, raging mother with BPD. I'm still somewhat astounded that I ended up with BPDish problems in my marriage despite thinking that my eyes were wide open after years of therapy.

The most painful problem for me by far is my wife's projection of her emotions onto to me. Seemingly no matter what I do, my wife is convinced that I "hate" her or am angry with her. The last few weeks have been extreme. I've been pouring myself into helping her with medical issues and recovery from surgery, and I'm met with her in bed telling me "I have all these great friends wishing me well, so why do you hate me?" It's crushing.

We're trying to figure out how to start some couples work (but my wife is resisting). I'm hoping that some outside help can address the projection issue. My real question is does the projection ever go away? Or do I have to figure out how to accept it?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Thrice2k3]

Heya Hippo... nice to meet you. I'm a newbie two - you're my first reply!

I will tell you that my recent ex does that too, with the projection... and I will typically try to reinforce my boundaries by reiterating that she is telling me how I feel, which isn't fair... and that that isn't actually how I feel.

To be honest, I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do... and she never really seems to listen... but I do feel like I have to own how I feel and push back on the "projection".

Maybe some of the more experienced folks on here can help with some guidance for us?