thoughts if my marriage can be saved..- Sink or Swim

[Tulpan]

Hi
I just found this site.. My husband is not diagnosed, but BPD describes and explains everything that I been struggling to understand and to make sense of.
 I have good professional knowledge about personality disorders but it’s  only recently that I started to putting the pieces of puzzle together .. it’s a relief to find a hypothesis ( as I am not a psychiatrist, but also sad to realise ..
My husband gets abusive verbally emotionally and physically
 ( physically violent more seldom ) and it has had grave impact on me and our marriage. Here by the post and question..
I am now for the third time in a safe house away from my husband because of his violence.. I love him deeply, and he loves me.. in his way.. he wants me back. And he has used all the tricks in the book to coax /force me back home.
As it is the third time and I need to use my common sense I realise that I can’t move back home and hope he will change,, I have tried that it does not work. I believe that I probably have to end our marriage, but I can’t, it hurts to much and I love him too much..I am going to see him, meet him for the first time in 4 weeks this weekend and stay over night as the safe house is far away. He has been in full panic most of the time since I left and angry.. can’t see that it Ewan’s his actions that forced me to leave and call police. He just sees that I left and won’t come back and he is angry because I make him suffer.
But the last few days he has calmed down.. probably because I let down my defence a bit.
 He is very black/white, my way or the highway and sensitive.
He has been threatening with breakup/divorce regularly  as the ultimate weapon against me.. now we are standing there.. will our marriage sink or swim? He wants to save our marriage,
but he is not taking precautions to prevent more crisis, abuse.. I also want to save our marriage but am more realistic about the odds and the enormous risks that is mainly on me..
I know how terrified he is of being abandoned..and it makes him Unpredictable ..as I won’t move home he will threat with divorce to make me do what he wants, I want to get my own flat and try to heal, and that we stay married and he also work on himself and his behaviour.. but I wonder if I am being naive.. if I am trying to fool myself that he would consider. or understand. and accept my idea.. knowing him and his reactions.. BPD very very much., I am probably being naive.. I would like to hear what the rest of you think..

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi Tulpan, and

i can see that youre in a difficult place.

have you spoken to the mental health professionals about your circumstances and relationship? what have they said?