Hi Kells

Jumping on the gratitude thread. It's been three years since the worst Christmas Eve of my life in 2017 when I ugly cried all over Santa's gifts under the tree (my exBPD husband had a psychotic break and I knew then deep in my bones that my two decade marriage was over and with it my role in the only family I had in this county). I've endured two hard and lonely Christmas Eve's of indescribable pain and at times tortuously slow healing. This year, despite the dumpster fire that is 2020, I'm finally feeling joyous and happy on this date again.
The best part is that I'm content for no obvious external reasons, I haven't won the lottery or found a new relationship etc. I still have many of the same stressors and issues in my life (with a dollop of pandemic on top). I'm simply happy because of all the work that I've done on myself (with the significant help of my family, friends, a dynamite therapist and all of the amazing folks on this website). I'm so goddamn proud of myself for surviving the nightmare that was the breakdown of my marriage to an exBPD with a strength and fortitude that I never, ever thought I had in me.
I wouldn't wish what I endured on my worst enemy but I have to admit that I'm a far better person, mother, daughter, friend, professional and neighbor for going through the hell of it all

Sincerely wishing you all peace and courage especially at a time than is often lonely or difficult for so many. Never, ever forget how much YOU matter and that time itself really does play a big role in healing.
Happy holidays to all of you beautiful souls

Warmly,
B