How to help my children relate with their BPD mother

[Raven67]

I have come to a point of wanting to talk with my teenage kids about my wife's BPD, but want to be careful about how. It is obvious to them that things are not ok with some of her behaviour. We were in a collision a few years ago, and my wife now struggles with PTSD and brain injury symptoms on top of BPD. I have talked with the kids about her behaviour in terms of her brain injury, but they are starting to recognize that much of her challenging behaviour was present before the collision. We have 3 girls age 13 - 18.
Is there a book that is helpful for me to share with them?
I find it so difficult to honour my wife to my kids while acknowledging that her behaviour is not okay.
by the way, I only found out about BPD just over 2 years ago and my wife was not told until about 1 1/2 yrs ago. So it is all new to us and she is still not fully accepting of the diagnosis.

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[zachira]

I am sad to hear that your family is struggling with a mother and wife with PTSD, brain injury and BPD. I had a mother with BPD, and your description of some of the challlenges you and your children are facing with her very much remind me of what I experienced with my mother as a teenager. Know that being there for your children, listening to their feelings, and explaining their mother's behaviors while being clear that it is not okay for any child or teenager to be mistreated by their mother despite whatever challenges she has will help your children to feel loved and valued, and not to take personally their mother's out of the ordinary behaviors. I do not have a book to recommend though I am sure other members can give you some recommendations.