First post

[Sicksisterandme]

I am dealing with a lot and my therapist recommended joining this group.  My sister was diagnosed with BPD 13 or 14 years ago.  I'm the evil target in her eyes.  I've accepted that I can't change her version of reality. The problem is that she was just diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer and I'm worried,  not needed/ wanted to help,  and left totally helpless.

[Turkish]

It sounds like you feel guilty that you can't support her due to her distorted view of you 

How are you the evil target?

[Sicksisterandme]

In her version of reality I harmed her as a child,  deliberately abandoned her as a young adult,  and I am the reason she is a drug addict.  The stories are long and numerous.  She sees me as having betrayed her over and over again but that reality doesn't match mine at all. 

[Turkish]

Substance abuse, a dual diagnosis, is tough.

How old is she now, and how are your parents involved? Are there one or two specific areas you want to focus on to communicate better? There's a lot of material in the pinned topics at the top of the board. 

There are also articles on the green pull down tabs at the top of the site such as:

https://bpdfamily.com/portfolio-parent

The one on FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) might be especially helpful.

[Sicksisterandme]

Thank you.  I'm looking for ground work to self protect first and acceptance of her and her reality second then allowing myself to grieve the lost relationship and learn to know what is mine to carry for last.  My parents feed into her on every level and isolate me further.  They say to me that I'm the child they never have to worry about so they don't but it feels more pointed than that. I'll read the articles soon, I'm sure they will be helpful.