First, thanks for having me and I played my part with anxious attachment style along with co-dependency for which I am being treated with the first ending in divorce and this last one sending me into deep diving mode to understand; which I am addressing. Neither are diagnosed with bpd and the second I believe is manipulating or omitting facts with her therapist or me. Symptoms on checklist in Walking on Eggshells was cause for 'great concern'.
1. Intense beginning during idealization phase, quickly 'fell in love'. Devaluation started immediately after and attempted to set boundries after an initial text 'break up' from her>recycled, reconciled. She met my parents as well as her son.
2. 'Guy friend' swirling around as she describes 'intellectually compatible' opposed to me; there to 'fix' her problems.
3. Terminated unwanted pregancy.
4. She 'broke up' via text again upon her parents visit to town, to which I was not invited and spent the weekend with friends. She broke up because 'I went missing' even though I told her of my plans. I chose not to reconcile at that point and she sent me a picture of a faint line for positive pregnancy test. She showed up on my doorstep to reconcile while I was down with the flu; could not deal and asked to be kept in loop with doctor visits. She allegedly terminated pregnancy while on vacation in AK; I never saw any documents verifying.
5. I reached out to reconcile and started back up an intense sexual relationship. During our break she vacationed with replacement, claimed no physical intimacy.
6. She officially stepped out emotionally and lied about it.
7. She abruptly quit her job and broke up with me>no contact for a month.
8. We re-connected for sex and that's when I found out my replacement was footing 100% of her bills. She claimed it was out of desperation and didn't want to ask help from her parents so 'he offered a solution' to change her trajectory with no sex involved according to her.
9. We re-cycled for sex several times over apx. 6 months with her claims that her situation was temporary and replacement was gettting '
PLEASE READ end of stick'. I recycled to rescue, act out vengeance against replacement, hold out hope for 'soul mate' etc. She emotionally abused me by saying she was suicidal and the replacement saved her from acting on that and provided opportunity for therapy, even though I pushed her through the door.
10. Upon her return, she discontinued sexual relationship and claimed she was not having sex with replacement but continued virtual sex with me; along with hiking dates. This is when the lies ramped up and I knew she was truly involved with replacement on every level. She again expressed thoughts of self harm with no plan. I convinced her to get a psych. evaluation where she started Lamictal and began talk therapy along with brainspotting.
11. Several no contact attempts which we both sabotaged. I got tired of lies and bs and asked for unconditional no contact despite her professing her love and asking to leave the door open. This is when she claimed her therapist diagnosed with complex trauma. (My therapist helped me set the firm no contact boundry). I now have her blocked on two numbers after her claims my detachment was 'full of hate'.
This drove me nearly insane and I found myself taking on salt in my unhealed wounds and began feeling pain as she would. I went through an excruciating bargaining phase, which I emotionally am still fighting. Please help, will provide more info. with questions...
