Well done, td! The power of validation is mighty indeed.
And I wouldn't get to upset about concealing the truth at first. Timing is everything with BPD, broaching a subject during dysregulation will have dramatically different consequences to discussing the same thing at baseline - or when you are not triggered.
I too have had many battles with my conscience, am like you a basically honest person who is doing my best to lead an authentic life. BPD is the Twilight Zone, things change strangely in that zone. You are sorting out your workspace, both physically and emotionally. It is your family's lifeline. More power to you!
Thanks khibomsis... that's so insightful regarding broaching a subject during dysregulation... I see that it unfolded well because she initially asked me this question at 10pm... in the future I'll avoid it differently however it was good that I avoided it at that moment else it could trigger a lot for her...
The power of validation... that's so true. Thank you...
Yesterday I drove my wife and kids down to my wife's parents. They are there all this week. I came back by train last night. For the first time in many years... I'm alone. Tears come to my eyes as I do my chanting, stretching, meditating and enjoying Being... drinking a great coffee this morning and eating a pear... and so many hours now just to focus on catching up on work and getting some things done around the house this week. Stepping away from my pwBPD is like stepping out of a warzone. It's a deeply healing experience. Even driving her and the kids was a warzone (fortunately I managed to by-pass it to a certain extent, and the kids were sleeping).
I can feel all the nervous tension in the body which I don't have time to process/let go/surrender due to my intense schedule with the kids and my wife and work... This week is already a unique experience with time to be without the intense awareness of schedule and time at all times! Time to Be... I'm overweight by a few kilos and it's because I'm eating so often these days out of stress... so this week I can really focus on some intermittent fasting which I'm usually too stressed to attempt...
This is also a time to read and reflect on BPD... to understand and absorb more deeply the challenge that I'm in and that there's no overnight fix... really just having this headspace is such a gift... I'm tired physically and mentally and will use this time to heal as much as I can...
