Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
October 31, 2024, 09:21:26 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Experts share their discoveries
[video]
99
Could it be BPD
BPDFamily.com Production
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
What is BPD?
Blasé Aguirre, MD
What BPD recovery looks like
Documentary
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Trying to decipher what’s true
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Trying to decipher what’s true (Read 521 times)
Ash43
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 5
Trying to decipher what’s true
«
on:
April 09, 2021, 08:40:26 AM »
Hi am New here. Hubs is a person with BPD and after reading stop walking on eggshells I think it’s a possibility some NPD traits. There have been several stressful incidents over the last few years and during a discussion he told me that he might be starting feeling for a coworker since they have fun and laugh together and he talks with her about everything basically an emotional affair if not something more. He states this is my fault because I don’t give him all the attention and haven’t been as available sexually. Without being specific there is a lot going on between deaths and medical issues plus taking care of two small children so I did say it’s been difficult but I thought he understood why. I’m unsure why I’m being blamed for him acting outside the marriage here and I wonder if I’m being told the whole truth about it. This person from work texts him at all hours over weekend etc and he claims it’s about work. He’s been making demands on me and I’m wondering if I should agree to some things or if this is a fools errand and I’m being played
Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
Ash43
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 5
Re: Trying to decipher what’s true
«
Reply #1 on:
April 09, 2021, 09:04:48 AM »
I want to add that I love my hubs and am trying to figure it out. I did tell him that I felt it was inappropriate for him to have these deep emotional conversations with the coworker and then come home and have surface conversations with me, that is unfair to say we “lost” our emotional connection if we’re not communicating effectively. I’m just trying to see if it’s possible I’m not being given the whole truth and should I probe more once things are calmer. My own ADHD is being thrown in my face he tells me I “forget everything and never remember anything at all “. Struggling with my own stuff while trying to be there for him is difficult
Logged
wish_list
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 21
Re: Trying to decipher what’s true
«
Reply #2 on:
April 09, 2021, 10:55:46 AM »
the blaming game sounds so familiar. DH would go to topless bars and those happy ending massage places and blame me for going there, because I was unavailable to him. Apparently raising two children, having a full time job, dealing with health issues and handling his mood swings was not keeping me busy enough..
They do have a tendency for risky behavior and above-normal levels of attention, so maybe that person at work is giving him that and it makes him feel good. BPD are also on some level dopamine-seekers so they get high on such things for a little while and then things fall apart.
Logged
Ash43
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 5
Re: Trying to decipher what’s true
«
Reply #3 on:
April 09, 2021, 11:18:16 AM »
Yes it’s difficult being blamed for everything and they don’t seem to see their own role in the problem that they blame you for. A friend said he’s probably showing her all his best and so she’s seeing him as this perfect guy. I’m hoping I was clear enough that I don’t accept this emotional type affair . I’m willing to work on my part of getting reconnected and I need the same. Is it possible to achieve that though?
Logged
Diddle
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 74
Re: Trying to decipher what’s true
«
Reply #4 on:
April 09, 2021, 12:46:54 PM »
Ash43
After reading many many posts on here it took me a long time to realise that I needed to have confidence in my own thoughts and memories, and not to let my hubbie convince me otherwise, I know this isn't as easy for someone with ADHD. But he is manipulating you, and once I started standing up for myself, and telling my hubs that I was certain what he was saying isn't true he was less likely to carry on arguing with me - sometimes. I find I need to be very conscious of what he's saying, and try and remember as much as I can in case its brought up again. I even make notes.
Stay as strong and true to yourself as you can, its ok to feel consideration, kindness and loyalty to him, but never at the expense of yourself.
Logged
Ash43
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 5
Re: Trying to decipher what’s true
«
Reply #5 on:
April 09, 2021, 12:59:26 PM »
Thank you both for your thoughts and advice. Taking notes may be a good idea ! The “always “ “never” statements are so hard to deal with because they are flatly untrue. I’m working very hard in setting boundaries as well which is also difficult. He’s threatened to leave me & the kids so many times I’ve even prepared myself for if one day he really does. Is this something that happens often or is it more like “testing”?
Logged
Diddle
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 74
Re: Trying to decipher what’s true
«
Reply #6 on:
April 09, 2021, 02:43:58 PM »
Ash43
The threats to leave are worded differently here. HwBPD has never said he's leaving, he throws the "I can't carry on like this, do you want a divorce" sentence at me all the time, over big arguments to me forgetting to buy something on the shop
It feels like he's putting the decision in my hands, so he hasn't;t made it. I've told him if he wants to leave he can, he says he can't afford it, every time, and that if he could he would. Then he shifts back randomly to never wanting to really do that.
Its hard to keep up.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Trying to decipher what’s true
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...