Learning what I need

[Parents! Get help here!]

I have reason to believe my adult (30y) son has bpd. I am wondering how I can approach him with this. We live far apart from him and contact is primarily through texting. There has been so much damage done with his verbal abuse and anger issues that many family members have distanced themselves. Any input would be welcome. Can I tell him I think he should explore this?  He does have a therapist he’s seen for years on and off.

[CJP755]

I have reason to believe my adult (30y) son has bpd. I am wondering how I can approach him with this. We live far apart from him and contact is primarily through texting. There has been so much damage done with his verbal abuse and anger issues that many family members have distanced themselves. Any input would be welcome. Can I tell him I think he should explore this?  He does have a therapist he’s seen for years on and off.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

I guess my first question is if  you think he would be receptive to this?   The reason I ask is because I have suggested this to my adult son in the past, only to expose myself to a torrent of abuse and how dare I tell him what's wrong with him since I have so many problems, blah blah... I guess what I'm getting at is if you are at the texting stage ( many of us have been) , you may want to wait until the relationship  can allow phone calls as this is hard to text about.  Is he asking you for input at all?

[CJP755]

No he has not asked for any input and I believe he would not be receptive to this right now... We are not talking on the phone presently as we are trying to establish some boundaries for our (my husband and I) sakes.  I appreciate your input and think your advice is spot on. This is all so new to us and feel it’s overwhelming and so sad.

[JD2028]

I have reason to believe my adult (30y) son has bpd. I am wondering how I can approach him with this. We live far apart from him and contact is primarily through texting. There has been so much damage done with his verbal abuse and anger issues that many family members have distanced themselves. Any input would be welcome. Can I tell him I think he should explore this?  He does have a therapist he’s seen for years on and off.

I'm pretty new at this tbh, but I've read that you should be cautious about telling a pwBPD that you think they have this disorder. Because 1. they may adopt the traits as part of their personality 2. if they're not ready to make a change in their life it makes no difference what you call it, it will be an attack. 2a In fact, even if they are ready to make a change it doesn't matter what the label is, because they need to learn the same skills as any other emotionally dysregulated individual.