Some paranoia showing up that her "frenemy" knows what FFw and I talk about

[formflier]

FFw and "Betty" (not real name) have been teaching together for several years.  They were at one school together and became friends.  Betty moved to a different school for one year and the next year FFw moved to that same school.  Partially to teach again with Betty..partially because Betty validated it was a better school...easier population to deal with ..etc etc.

I would say that 70% of their relationship is "friends" and then 30% is "frenemy", where it appears Betty was looking out for Betty and tosses FFw (and all other teachers) under the  bus.

Due to population shifts...they are reducing first grade by 1 teacher at FFw school.  FFw was convinced they would "get rid of her".  Turns out they moved someone else.

Then the issue of moving classrooms came up.   FFw put "dibs" on a classroom and that seemed to hold for a while, until the list came out.  Betty was going to that classroom that FFw was "penciled in" to go to the classroom of the lady leaving 1st grade.

FFw was now convinced that this was a setup so that it would appear FFw "got rid of" the teacher leaving first grade.

So...FFw finds another teacher that she could swap with..and sets up the swap, yet 90% of her conversations are about how Betty "went behind her back" (appears accurate to FF).  Yet...FFw doesn't want to be "one of those complainers" so she isn't going to principal about Betty going behind her back.

OK..this has been going on for a week or two.

Yesterday

The texts start coming in asking who I'm "talking to/with" about FFw...then in an interesting twist FFw says "other than your psychologist"  

Let's take a BPDfamily pause here and celebrate...  Used to she would rail about the horrors of the psychologist...who is now a "given"...now she is after "who else"

She is convinced that Betty is hearing all the details of FFw and FFs intimate conversations from someone at church.

Umm...I don't think Betty goes to our church...

So...this morning...FFw asks me directly "who else".  I said no/nobody three times and then out of frustration asked..."like what?"  and "for example"

FFw goes "now you are being evasive"

FF:  "Listen..I don't do triangles.  I'm completely lost in this conversation.  My answer is no."

Brief argument by FFw about how she isn't talking about triangles..I don't engage.

She then asks "why I couldn't just say no".  I answered once.  "I said no three times..it didn't seem to answer your question, so I'm trying to clarify what is going on."

Cue a weird recollection from FFw about the three no statements to which I responded "We recall differently...this conversation doesn't seem productive."

She leaves for work, forgets something...comes back in asking why I'm locking the door and trying to keep her from finding out who I'm talking to about her.   (I don't engage..she leaves for work)

What a mess

Best,

FF

[formflier]

I'm definitely interested in your guys take on this.

I'm also sad I didn't say no once..and leave it alone. 


At the moment I wish I had taken a play from Cat Familiar's playbook and said something like "well..it seems like you have me figured out." and engage on the issue no more.

Best,

FF

[Notwendy]

FF, I think it might help if you just don't try to control these episodes. She's upset and this is how she processes the feelings. People say things when they are emotionally overwhelmed. Maybe at the moment she says something about you that isn't true, but she may as well be saying you are a green spider.
,
But once she's got a grip on herself, she'll calm down. She probably doesn't even believe what she said.

It just gets you and you try to stop it. It's her work issue, let her deal with it. I'd let it go and not react.

[kells76]

Few different ways have been listed to deal with this:

The "CF" way of "over-owning" the complaint: "Yes, I'm completely the way you suspect I am... you've uncovered my hidden identity, I must be a real pill to live with"

The Notwendy way of "let it go and don't react": similar to your thought of "say No once and be done"

there's also a possibility of "humorously misunderstanding" her. I suspect there's an implied mind-reading request coming from FFw -- she phrases it as "who are you talking to/with about me" but she doesn't specify what kind of "talking about"... though I feel a big tacit implication in there.

What if you "purposefully misunderstood" the mind-reading bid?

"Babe, who DON'T I tell about how good-looking you are? You'd better believe I tell everyone I meet how crazy in love with you I am. It'd take me HOURS to list everyone I talk to about you!"

Wondering if that could jostle the "conversation" just enough out of the "paranoia" tracks to something that (a) you don't get wound up in, and (b) would take some wind out of her "FF is the enemy to be interrogated" stance. After all, if you can't stop confessing exactly what she demanded (who are you talking to about me)... then there's no conflict any more. It'd be an "arm lock" of "Wait... I'm confused... you want me to stop telling you who I'm talking with about your wonderful qualities? Or did you want me to keep going?"

Maybe?

[formflier]

Update:  Lot's more texts coming in about work and teachers plotting to get her fired and they all go to the same church and they must talk about her at church.

I tried to respond to one comment with.

uggg...I'm sorry Betty is not being a friend.  This sounds difficult.

It would appear that she keep going for a bit on her rant and then I think

"canned comment" was a response to my quote above.

A bit later on I said

"I think you were right to forge your own path with the room thing..."

Basically trying not to "ignore"  this obvious distress...but not get in a debate.


I like the idea of "I talk to everyone about you.." but I need to wait to use that until it's "just" about or appears to be just about her worry about me talking to Betty...or others.

Best,

FF

[kells76]

I think you were right...

Seems like a winning move 

[formflier]

I should also remember that less words is more and that giving things time usually lets them blow over.

Based on some recent emails about making

https://peasandcrayons.com/2019/05/shrimp-tacos.html#wprm-recipe-container-98035

I don't detect any paranoia afoot anymore. 

Words are spelled right...there is just a different "character" to the writing.

So...totally up for more talking about paranoia...but if anyone has favorite recipes for "avocado oil"..I'm all up for it.

I bought a bottle of avocado oil on impulse...and so now I'm trying to produce a couple of meals with it...  I love avocados..so I'm hoping the oil is great as well.

Best,

FF

[kells76]

I bought a bottle of avocado oil on impulse...

So did I! This is the project in mind: https://www.melskitchencafe.com/yum-yum-bowls/