Daughter wants to go out after coming home from involuntary psychiatric ward

[Milliemolly]

Our 16 year old is coming out of her first involuntary psychiatric ward after being highly suicidal. She is waiting for a bed in a voluntary psychiatric hospital but inbetween she wants freedom to see whoever she wants, go out and have fun which for her could include finding weed, lsd, ecstasy and having a bender if she becomes impulsive. She doesn’t know we know about her drug taking plans. She is defiant, can engage in high risk and self-destructive behaviour, has no care for disturbance on the rest of the family, and has lost belief in and care for her future self etc (i.e. many characteristics listed in books on BPD). Does anyone have guidance on how to define limits and associated credible consequences in this context? We have been told these are likely to be family specific (e.g. reflect the values of the family). However, from our point of view we are just looking for limits/consequences that will keep her safe in the short term, and set her best up for a path towards self-management.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi,
 This will involve trial and error and please don't be too hard on yourselves when the errors occur.  Boundary setting doesn't happen overnight.
It seems she is amenable to get help .  Is she currently in therapy while she waits for an opening?
If so , can you and therapist come up with boundaries together for her?
Other ideas- 1. would it be possible to limit her electronics at night- phone , laptop removed and put in a secure location? This may inhibit night time plan making with friends. 2. I am not sure if this is possible , but can you still talk to your daughter about your concerns ( sometimes they are too dysregulated for this)3. really sit down and think about the consequences for the boundaries and if you can enforce them. 4. I don't know if she drives yet, but if she does, no access to the family car , hide keys.5. There is a link / drop down menu at the top of this forum page on boundaries . Here is a link from NAMI on boundaries
https://www.nami.org/Your-Journey/Family-Members-and-Caregivers/Maintaining-a-Healthy-Relationship
NAMI also suggests rewarding good behavior in the link as well.  6. Is it at all possible to plan a fun day/ a hobby with your daughter ( I know, I know defiant teen with BPD , this may not be possible) .  My thinking is this may ( or may not) put a good memory with you in her head and give her food for thought.
Please keep us posted we are here in this togehter.