Newly diagnosed spouse

[Depression = 72% of members]

My wife’s therapist has informed me that she has BPD but she won’t return his calls to make another appointment. She hasn’t been informed yet. She’s out of control with her verbal abuse to myself and even our kids at times. She’s cute her family out of her life and does not want much to do with my family. Any advice on how to move forward would be appreciated. I would like a divorce but I worry about how she’d make it without me to take care of her.

[farmerdad]

My wife’s therapist has informed me that she has BPD but she won’t return his calls to make another appointment. She hasn’t been informed yet. She’s out of control with her verbal abuse to myself and even our kids at times. She’s cute her family out of her life and does not want much to do with my family. Any advice on how to move forward would be appreciated. I would like a divorce but I worry about how she’d make it without me to take care of her.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pursuingJoy]

Welcome farmerdad. I can imagine you're feeling a range of emotions.

Why hasn't your wife been informed? How much do you know about BPD?

We're here and we'd love to support you and your family. Keep us posted.

pj

[formflier]

I'm curious to know more about your relationship.  How long together?  How many kids?  Ages?

You are contemplating some heavy decisions, we can help you sort through those.

How did you find this site?

Best,

FF

[farmerdad]

Currently my wife is ignoring her therapist phone calls. He has been talking to me about his diagnosis and his concerns about getting her back to his office so that he can discuss them with her. Her family and I are just now beginning to research BPD so that we can have a better understanding of it. We have been married for almost 10 years now and it has been very difficult to say the least. We have three children. Ages two, four and six.

[pursuingJoy]

It sounds like it's been a rough 10 years. How are the kids doing? How are you, farmerdad? Dealing with BPD can be really difficult for the entire family. It wore me down until I didn't know which end was up.

It is fairly common for people with BPD to reject a diagnosis, even if it's shared by a trusted source. Even if your wife heard it from the therapist, she may deny it or refuse treatment.

I can tell you from personal experience that even if they don't know about BPD, or if they reject their diagnosis and treatment, there are things you can do to improve your situation.

What's the hardest part of your relationship with her?

pj