compulsive lying

[Thom]

 :help:Our daughter has been hospitalized 3 times this month for suicidal thoughts.  She is also an alcoholic.  We are trying to get her the help she needs which is so challenging. We want to know how to respond to her when she compulsively lies. She told me that she had to have her stomach pumped and had a seizure.  She said they are bringing in a specific therapist who deals with BPD.  Spoke to the nurse and she said none of that is true. She is so good at playing the therapists to get what she wants. Please help us know how to respond when she lies.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Thom. This is such a problem! In the example you mention you at least were able to verify whether it was true - so often we have no way of knowing - or we know instinctively it is false.

It is one of the most difficult aspects of BPD, and something that pushes others away.

These days  I view the lies as an attempt to get attention - a deep need for people with BPD. So I am more tolerant of the lies. It depends on what the lie is about, but something like the example you have given - I would just empathise with a neutral statement such as:

You have been through quite a bit - I'm glad you have come through.

I try to avoid entering into any kind of discussion about where or why they are wrong. I do this because BPD is a serious mental illness and what is reality to a BPD person can be something quite different to what I know as reality.

How do you cope with it yourself?