BPD Mom hates Christmas

[Depression = 72% of members]

My h-BPD Mom is the family gatekeeper. She lives near sister.  Christmas goes back and forth between the two houses.

My Dad, sister, and I have always LOVED Christmas decorations.  Mom on the other hand never has.  This year, she did not put up a tree and would not let Dad put any lights up outside or candles in the windows or wreaths or anything.

My sister next door to her has her bushes lit, candles in windows, and a beautiful tree.  I live in a different city.  We have two trees, and enough decorations for a third one if we had a place for it, lots of other interior decorations, more stuff than we should outdoors, but not enough to be tacky or extreme.

Here's the catch:  My Mom's birthday happens to be December 25.  I'm thinking that's why she hates Christmas.  She wants everyone there for Christmas, but she hates it.  She wants to be the one to fix the dinner because she has to be Miss Hostess.  But she says she doesn't like the food on the menu (turkey).

I'm thinking that even a "normal" Christmas baby is not a big fan because of getting combined presents, no party, etc. 

We always make sure we play homage to her.  Her birthday presents come in the afternoon when we cut birthday cake, separate from Christmas presents.

But not perceiving herself as being the center of attention on her birthday -- is that her problem with decorations, or is it just because she's borderline and borderlines generally don't like things like that anyway?

[todayistheday]

My h-BPD Mom is the family gatekeeper. She lives near sister.  Christmas goes back and forth between the two houses.

My Dad, sister, and I have always LOVED Christmas decorations.  Mom on the other hand never has.  This year, she did not put up a tree and would not let Dad put any lights up outside or candles in the windows or wreaths or anything.

My sister next door to her has her bushes lit, candles in windows, and a beautiful tree.  I live in a different city.  We have two trees, and enough decorations for a third one if we had a place for it, lots of other interior decorations, more stuff than we should outdoors, but not enough to be tacky or extreme.

Here's the catch:  My Mom's birthday happens to be December 25.  I'm thinking that's why she hates Christmas.  She wants everyone there for Christmas, but she hates it.  She wants to be the one to fix the dinner because she has to be Miss Hostess.  But she says she doesn't like the food on the menu (turkey).

I'm thinking that even a "normal" Christmas baby is not a big fan because of getting combined presents, no party, etc. 

We always make sure we play homage to her.  Her birthday presents come in the afternoon when we cut birthday cake, separate from Christmas presents.

But not perceiving herself as being the center of attention on her birthday -- is that her problem with decorations, or is it just because she's borderline and borderlines generally don't like things like that anyway?

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi todayistheday,

It's hard to say why your uBPDm is doing what she's doing. To me it makes me question if this isn't a method of control, as in "you can't celebrate Christmas if I don't want you to but you can celebrate my birthday; there's no reason for you to avoid it this year."

That's just supposition on my part. I guess when Dec. 25th comes and goes, you will see if she actually goes through with some birthday plans. Be sure and let us know.

 
Wools