Writing as a Therapeutic Outlet

[eaglestar]

I have used writing as a creative outlet throughout most of my life. At twelve years old, I started writing novels and by age 16, I had authored six poorly-written science fiction books!  I wrote my first real sci-fi series at 18, and I've since published 12 books, all for fun and not as a primary means of employment. My mother has read all of them, I think, but she never has any meaningful commentary so although she says she has read them, I'm not sure she has (or perhaps she had difficulty following the plots).
I caught the "bug" the other day after I had a disturbing dream with a strong resemblance to several things in my childhood. I realized I wanted to write about these things in a new novel series. I have never written about my mother or about some other things that happened to me as a child. I think it would be therapeutic, if not too emotionally challenging.
My worry is that my mother might potentially read it once it's published. Any thoughts on this? Has anyone used writing as a creative outlet?

[Riv3rW0lf]

I did, but I never tried to get published. Writing unblocks parts of my mind and I gain access to truths I don't know I hold. For me, it is a very powerful tool in my healing process. That's why I am here !

The only thing I can say about a BPD mother reading what you write is from my own experience. I wrote something as a child, a small book, for school. I was 10 and it was called : as mother, as daughter (telle mère, telle fille).

The story went : mother abandons child because she considers her a monster (the child is diformed). Child meets a friend in the orphanage. Friend uses magic, and exchange her own beauty to make the main character "finally beautiful". Later on, the protagonist meets love, but the mother somehow realizes the beautiful new protagonist is in truth the ugly baby she had abandoned and tries to kill her. Until at the end of the book, the boyfriend kills the mother.

I mean.. that's some very deep Freudian sh*t right there. I was 9.

She was completely oblivious to it.  We talked about it again and she doesn't even remember it. She kept it a long time actually and ended up losing it. I wish I had taken it with me, but I didn't.

Anyway... Change the names and she might not even realize you are talking about you and her... And if she does, bringing it up would be, in sort, an admission of guilt, so I don't think she would...

My thoughts on it anyway.

[zachira]

Can you ghost write your story and change the names in it? People with BPD/NPD often seek revenge for whatever they perceive as unfair to them. I think the purpose of writing about your mother with BPD would be to tell your story and to help others, and could be therapeutic. Those with BPD/NPD who have hurt us will probably never show genuine remorse or get it. The most likely response you would get from your mother from BPD if she did read it would be it is all made up and she would do everything to publicly discredit you. We see this in the media all the time with abuse victims. The abusers almost always swear it never happened and go on a smear campaign, though untrue can be very hurtful, emotionally exhausting, and sometimes do permanent damage to your reputation.

[Couscous]

I agree with Riverwolf. If it’s a work of fiction and not a memoir then I highly doubt that your mother will recognize herself as the villain. 

[eaglestar]

Yes, this would be a work of fiction and enough details would be different, including names, that it might be tough for her to recognize herself in the story. I also planned to take the story in a different direction than my life has gone, and tie it in to my other book series. And it will take place about 50 or so years in the future, so technology will be different. I've already chosen names for "me", "my brother", and "parents", and decided to add another younger brother who doesn't exist in my family in reality.