I'm exhausted

[Trixter]

I've been doing SMART Recovery friends and family meetings to deal with my husbands alcoholism. I've read "I Hate You, Don't Leave", "Walking on Eggshells", and am half way through the "The Essential family guide to Borderline Personality Disorder". With the tools I've learned about addiction and BPD, things HAVE gotten better. But I still find myself with days like today. He has been raging at me for a week (no violence), angry, and blaming me for anything and everything. Self sabotaging so that he can be a martyr and have something to blame me for. I've tried to use the tools to help things, and they sort of help. But after a week of fighting an uphill battle, I'm exhausted, beaten down, and emotionally depleted. I'm hiding in the guest bedroom, crying, and searching for anything to give me strength. Something to make me feel ok. Someone to understand what I'm going through. COVID has been like a pressure cooker, creating so much isolation, and blocking the ability to get away and get a break. At times like this, I have no more to give, no more strength to hold back and bite my tongue, and no more patience to be understanding. He has worn me down completely, and all I can do is hide...  So now I am here posting for the first time, desperate for something, anything...

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[hands down]

I could be COMPLETELY be misreading your post. But my gut gets the feelings that you can somehow change things.  That’s not what happens.  You can only strengthen yourself and build tools that strengthen and grow yourself, from your soul to your responses. 

It’s like “my husband is crazy, I did all these things and he’s still effing crazy…. What gives?”


sometimes that self work and environmental awareness may yield results with your partner but… that’s not the intent. If your choice is to stay with a dysfunctional spouse (no condemnation. I get it!) Focus on your sanity and creating environments that breed more of it.  You can’t fix him you can’t change him. But if you choose to stay with him, you can control the environments you are in.

[Cat Familiar]

We understand. It’s not what you signed up for, having to deal with an emotionally unstable spouse.

Perhaps it’s time to focus on your own needs. What have you not been doing that you’d love to do?

[Trying2understan]

What happened this week that pushed you to exhaustion. Does it help to post about it?