I meant to come and post about how things are going, and events of this weekend spurred on my need to do that.
I have been 7 months broken up, and 4 months no contact and no sex with my ex wBPD. I haven't looked at any of her social media, and kept her blocked on all avenues of contact except e-mail, and there have been no e-mails.
The last two months I have been seeing someone new. It is amazing how I have to readjust to what is normal/not toxic. We see each other 2 or 3 times a week. We text daily, but not continuously. I feel a bit bad because I was (am?) so broken by my BPD relationship that I have been going very, very slow. I am torn between is it healthy slowness or is it me being too closed off? Everything with the new person is great. perfect match professionally, spiritually, and emotionally. The sex isn't the multiple times a day fireworks extravaganza it is with a BPD. I think there is a part of me that is still addicted and craving that horrible but enticing BPD crazy rush. Trying to find that balance between sanity and passion. Neither of us have said "I love you" yet, when the BPD ex and I said it after a few weeks. I think I am there, but scared a bit. Anyway, redefining what is normal has been good.
Then Sunday, after 4+ months of zero contact, my ex came to my Sunday afternoon yoga class I teach at a local studio. My heart sunk into my gut. She claimed it was because no other class fit her schedule, but there were other classes at the same time at other nearby studios within our franchise. To make matters more ridiculous, the new person I am seeing also came to my class.
Two things of note. I used techniques learned here of keeping matter of fact and hello/welcome to class with my ex and that helped. I mean, this woman doesn't even realize the last time we saw each other she punched me in the head repeatedly, and how that might feel coming back into a space together. The other thing, is I told the new lady I am seeing that my ex girlfriend was in class.
She didn't get jealous, or mad, or upset in any way whatsoever. She was supportive, understanding, and kind. I mean, what even is that! Being with someone who isn't perpetually triggered and jealous is fantastic but so strange at the same time.
Anyway, Still some strong feelings are there, but things are better. I am working hard to lower some of my walls with this new person, as it is not fair to her. Not walking on eggshells is weird though. Maybe that is my message.
We all I think come to normalize what is really, really destructive behavior. To the point where a healthy person feels kind fo weird. The
PLEASE READ they do is not normal. I don;'t think my ex coming to my class is normal behavior.
