BPD hubs with COVID and daughters birthday party

[johnsang]

Hi support forum - two things to share, looking for if this is BPD behavior or just my hubs.

1) My undiagnosed BPD hubs tested positive for COVID. He was unwell the first night when he tested, and then progressively got better over the next few days.  He refused to isolate or quarantine on day 4 or 5 due to the fact that he was feeling better. 

Does this sound like a typical BPD thing to do?  Rules don't apply to him?

2) Our 12 year old daughter also had COVID, but that was a few weeks ago. We (I) rescheduled her roller skating birthday party to yesterday.  My hubs did take her to a volleyball tournament that was all day yesterday, but halfway through the day, texted me to say "I'm going out with friend at 6pm" (party at 7pm). When he actually came home, I felt I did a good job in expressing my feelings of saying "I would prefer if you were at the birthday party with me" but he responded, literally "I've done my dues for today."

Is this BPD behavior or is this him just being him?  Is this "normal"?  If felt off to me.

Thanks for insights - I appreciate this forum so much - I only post when there is an issue, which recently hasn't been very often, so that's good - for me!

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[Cat Familiar]

I have noticed a fair amount of *selfish* behavior from my BPD husband. Often the Cluster B diagnoses are rather fluid, and frequently people with BPD also have NPD traits.

[keepitup]

Hey jonhsang!

What you described definitely rings a bell to me.

I can't tell for every person with BPD, but it is certainely similar to how my bpd boyfriend acts.

He did exactly the same thing when we got sick. He makes his own rules and opposes everything that relates to authority. I try to focus on positive reinforcement, avoid criticizing and avoid getting in an argumentative spiral which has helped.

Just like Cat Familiar, I also noticed  "selfish" behaviors from my boyfriend. In my experience, when he does something for someone else, even if not a big thing, don't ask him to do anything more, he's had his share and it seems it costs him a tremendous amount of energy. I am still trying to understand it and I find it difficult to find the right words to explain, but I would say it's like if he does something for someone else, it's like he does something "against" himself, "against" his needs. It "costs" him something. So after that, he wants to focus solely on him and he would say I am a selfish person if I dare ask him something. In the end, I think the "normal" thing is that we all need to take time for ourselves, but in my opinion, what makes it more about bpd is the degree to which they sometimes react to someone asking them something or the feeling of having done a tremendous effort about something when it is not about them.

Hope it can shed a light on what you are experiencing!

I wish you the best!